Title: Sickeningly Putrid Sweet Nutrasweet Olives Tasted Quite Khaki
Authors: Warren, Callum, Bryan
Date: Tue Oct 10  9:32:36 1995


When all is said and done, it is still hard to believe that man was able to
conquer the depths of space, let alone the space of death. Heroes throughout
the centuries had bravely rolled back the horizons of accomplishment, taking
three clean pairs of underwear because their mothers had forced them to. ``What
if you're in a nasty accident?'' they would nag. Of course, what self-respecting
ant eater would ever be caught with underwear on anyway, especially 
when hacking their nagging mothers to death with a blunt toothbrush
bristle. Seven cardboard boxes came to their rescue, bearing rocket-bottomed
PET bottles filled with molokov cocktails, which they sipped on during the
interval. Stuart was not involved, and had a letter from his mother saying so.
The letter was actually a football report cut out of the local paper, but she
didn't want anybody to know that she was illiterate. The cocktails collided
in a nearby bevatron, causing lots of radiation to appear as if from another
story. And so it was. The boson ordered all hands on deck.
Feet, legs and nostrils were allowed to stay below until the night watch. The
tiny elephants were approaching rapidly. Their firey tusks and flaring
trunks (which weren't velvet trousers) flapped in the air, and took off
for unknown destinations. Patrick, who was in the vicinity at the time,
became very flat. He had never undergone such a change in bulk modulus so
quickly, and bought a bigger back yard to celebrate. Therein, he found a quiet
thermonuclear explosion was held back by the thin layer of soil in 
the vegetable patch, this was going to be difficult to explain to the 
neighbours.  Patrick began to practise his French he thought it might
help improve his punctuation in English. His brain melted into the consistency
of mozzarella on a pizza, and oozed out through his various orifices. That was
going to be even more difficult to explain to the neighbours. A lot of very
silly explanations were given, but the neighbours didn't believe any of them.
In frustration, the brain-melted person shot them with three unseeded olives.
At this time, a handful of Pizza Hut agents kidnapped him and make a quick
take away, er um, getaway. When they reached the safe house, they piled out
they piled out into a pile on the pile carpet and began to form an olive oil slick 
which affected the very suprised penguins and other bird life.
None ever recovered from this fateful fate, and most spent the rest of
their useless lives as road markers. Such a sorrow tale of woe and dread never
surfaced as it was buried alive with full honours, but not before everyone
was able to take out their frustratations on it by inserting gross historical
inaccuracies, vicious slander and the odd bottle of Johnny Walker. This was
stolen by Dennis so he could tank up his erstwhile girlfriends before he had
his way with them. After all, those sharp quills were painful! As the mad
scientist struck again, Dennis stuck a hanky into the bottle, making a molotov
pastry with whipped cream. Oh how the cream loved to be whipped by 
Dennis
and his nuclear-powered double grunge blaster. Shifting, sifting, lifting,
learning, burning, turning, talking, walking, stalking, stupid, cupid,
putrid, putril, nostril etc. It was unclear as to the intent of this endless
list of words, save to fill up disk space and bore the reader to death.
Therefore, we quickly shift the scene to a small village near Khatoum. Abu
Jomba, resplendent in his khaki headdress and Reebock underwear, said to his
local member, "Gosh, great weather we're having." Suddenly, and without warning,
his Reebocks were seized by customs and quarantined pending further testing
by sniffer dogs. Luckily, his mother had always insisted that he wear an extra
periscope for keeping the rats away. This he swung around wildly overhead,
shouting, "Looney with a stick, looney with a stick!!" Mighty winds rose up
from a zephyr to a rustle, and were laughed at by the Gods as a feeble attempt.
The looney stick (painted a funny green colour that most people can't spell)
ran off for the forests where it would be well camoflaged, probably spelt
wrong too. Who cares? Certainly not I. After all, having a looney green stick
or was that spelt "ankylostomiasis", or is this just the wrong end of 
the stick or "ankylostomiasis" or something.  Confused, the Gods went 
away to put another stick on the fire, or was that another 
"ankylostomiasis", and did anyone care anyway.
Strange diseases were not Nigel's forte. Oh, sure he'd had a few over the
past nine years aboard the good ship Wenceslas, but none of them had managed
to kill him, and most of them were only 4 syllables long. He rubbed his
rotting octopus over the infection in his nether regions, perhaps 
that visit to Gerry's house of pleasure hadn't been such a great idea
as it had seemed after a drunken stagger around Broadbeach at 3am.
Earler that year, when the cacti were blooming in all their putrid glory,
Gerry's house had a bout of the flu. It always happened at this time, except
when it died of the Ebola virus or Gerry had a farting attack that 
would drive all germs well away.  Elvis was back in town and 
his blue suede shoes glone like the pumal thron of aglis flim. Uh huh, baby.
He pulled his pink cadillac up in front of the toll gates. They were labelled
1) money, 2) show, 3) get ready, 4) go go go. Suddenly the very bad joke police
people were thrown in jail for being so bad, and the nicer joke policepeople
were given medals and allowed to parade around in their shiny shoes. How sweet.
The very bad policepeople, of course, were scheming to break out of jail and run
away.... Run away!!!...  Fortunatly the effects of the Khaki Olives 
was wearing off at this point and the jail dissolved along with the 
policepeople leaving a sort of barren wasteland surrounded by
empty space and dried mango leaves. This was against the law, and so the
space was arrested and taken back to the station, where it filled the cells
for the rest of eternity -- no parole whatsoever! The policepeople thought
hard. But, after a while they gave up and played a couple of hands of 500.
Meanwhile, unseen by the unsuspecting policepeople, the space was beginning to
leak out into the surrounding suburbs, displacing the trees, homes and dogs
which were largely made out of the stuff. So much so that it made little
difference. In fact, the spatial characteristics of the extended subspaces
changed by no more that 1 percent of their original difference. At this point,
the singularity which arrived and wiped out the planet's life was no surprise.
The surprise came when the singularity became a naked singularity and 
was arrested by the cosmic police and taken away under section 5 of 
the Laws of nature. Bail refused, the matter was to be heard before 
3 blind mice and a partridge in a pear tree. However, before that could
occur they were all whisked away into a light and fluffy souffle. It was
so light that, in fact, it was made of soy milk. This had never stopped Anja
before, and it wouldn't stop her now. She unlatched the milk tray, pausing to be
completely and utterly lost for words. ``'', she ope'd. Several blank speech
balloons appeared and disappeared, before men in white coats carted her off
to the Ronald Reagan Home for the, the, whatisit thingy.  She began 
to explore the dingy room and discovered only a mirror. Gazing into 
the mirror she felt strange as backwards go to started everything.
?escape she could How  .effect strange this producing was which algorithm
encryption the crack could she only If !it had she Suddenly  .it was
palindromic, was it? Whew, that's a lerief (similar to all those elections in
China they've been having lately). It was long before anyone else realised
how short it was. But let's return from this useless rambling to our story.
It was hiding under a nearby stationery cupboard but was eventually enticed
out with promises of an overhauled plot, new characters and lewd sex scenes.
Needless to say, none of these ever eventuated but it was too late to do
anything about the evening promo's, thus Eric was forced to perform 
naked with a large dildo strapped to his loins (where that 
unfortunate accident with the circular saw had deprived him of 
various functionary equipment). So outraged were the censors that 
they cut ............................................. and ........ 
was caught with two ............ and gerbils too.
In fact, .................. and even ---------------. Ha!
Plop plop flop fop mop top stop step stew new few dew do the see sea 
fee knee-brace, Ahh! the authors finally regained control and lept 
back into the story where our hero Fred the Dynamic was about to
give up. He pulled up a chair and sat there for a few hours before a migrating
piano, looking for a place to land, decided that he was it. Squelch. So much
rotting flesh, so little time. As the flesh slowly decayed, it tasted quite
khaki with artificially sweetened olives on top. The piano relaxed. ``Ahh,
so this is the life!''.