Disgusting, Lurid, Uncanny, Prosaic, Adjectival Retrostatements

Disgusting, Lurid, Uncanny, Prosaic, Adjectival Retrostatements

Justin, Michael, Warren

3rd July, 1994

Dr. Who entered the porn shop, it was the wrong place to fob off the key to time. Sarah the chicken molester decided to shock the system by inserting a large black vibrating Coke can; this was a red coloured one masquerading as a black body on heat. The ultra violent sports program could only help but attach Mary's various additional organs to her body, allowing unseemly bulges to be created that were not statues seen in the nude. They were arrested for breaking an ancient statute that Rumpold had given the Bailey. It was a marble statute and Bailey was quite proud of it. The fish tank, however, did not, and despite what Bailey did to calm it, it continued to refrain from what could only be described as continued abstinence from action.

In frustration, she ejected herself from the story and decided to make it on her own as a free-wheeling paragraph on dialectic materialism. A novel concept, but she was sentenced to terminal eclecticism for her crimes against humanity. Humanity was a little concerned by the leniency of the sentence and so went about eliminating the word `leniency' from all languages so it would never occur again. This angered the linguists before that awful night in Rio.

Humphrey Bogart served cocktails as the waves lashed him to the floorboards and ravaged him continually for many hours with feathers, rubber bands and small pointy spheres which existed only in the warped minds of Gamma Delta where lots of other things mind their own business and help the tax department from going bankrupt. Since the tax department was bereft of any moral substance, it quickly accepted the bribe and decided to add to the depravity of the story by obtaining a license to sell immorality, which turned out to be a lot more profitable than giving all your money to charity.

The Red Cross began a spree of daring daylight robberies until there was no red left in the land. This made driving particularly hazardous as cars would no longer stop at traffic lights. So they removed them and traffic became a lot worse but the population problem got a lot better, especially after God turned off the Sun. God's mum was not impressed with this sort of behaviour and gave Him a good spanking and sent Him to bed with no adoration that night.

Meanwhile, the Sun (spelt wrong; ineffability's a real problem) of Alexander the Mate was galavanting across the country in search of a point for his bleeding existence. The sabre that disembowelled him helped both the existence and the bleeding. At this point Byron felt more depravity was in order, so he stripped and exposed his great tattoo of King Richard the 20th, the last man alive to understand what a good crap did for the body.

At his wedding, the underwear could hardly contain the great big brown jobby which was slowly being squeezed through his rectum. But since he had access to Metamucil, he was in no great danger from constipation retro-strangulation, quite a disease for normal oysters, let alone a quartet of outsized pigs from Bangladesh. No abundance of adjectives could help their predicament, and they died.