How, Where, When Inscrutability Matters Least

Anthony, Brendan, David, Derrick, Ivan, Lyn

3rd September, 1989

Confucius was considerably confused by the opening up of the ground beneath his feet. ``Gosh!'' he thought as he fell headlong into a wet pile of inscrutable scrutes. These he passed on to Patrick, before filing more important documents under `D' for documents.

After Patrick did this a bomb went off and he died for a little while and then promptly got up and walked to a nearby pedestrian crossing where he was unfortunately missed by a truck but struck up the crotch by an umbrella. The pain was nowhere as bad as when the chainsaw, still covered in blood, chewed its way into his already hacked up abdomen, roaring its way toward his chest and splitting his brain in two. ``Yummy,'' his companion cried with delight, ``brains for tea!'' For what other possible use was there for such a piece of equipment?

``I don't know,'' said the big brown dog which had no ears and immediately left the kennel and voraciously attached itself to the nearest thing it could find. Nearby in a field, Patrick lay bleeding with a dog with no ears attached to him. Prunella merely laughed at him and grabbed the dog by his inscrutables, pulling viciously and unmercifully until the newspaper ripped clean in two.

The nasty looking fellow in the next seat spat at the even nastier looking Helga who was dressed in leather and armed with whips and chains, which she claimed were for a rabbit hunting expedition, but Stuart knew better. She really looked after all the Commonwealth Bank managers in the area.

Anyway, back at the barn, several cows mooed and gave milk and then were blown to hell by Fred's overloaded thermonuclear eye-dropper, on loan from Sir Mervyn Moncrieff M.B.E. B.Sc. R.T.F.M. U.A.R.T , himself a keen ornithologist who never went anywhere without his mistress. He began packing his suitcase, carefully remembering to include his iridium and brass encrusted toothbrush. He realised that in reality he had triumphed over the inscrutable Patrick, who was now dead.