Dedicated Canines Remove Mirror.

Dedicated Canines Remove Mirror.

30th August, 1989

The mirror was worried. Only the day before had a visually impaired biscuit tin been used for that self-same purpose.

Laughing crazily, Stuart whipped out his large whip and screamed, ``:-)''. Only the ASCII ears of the face were missing. Ozalp, as leader, had changed the pack into a dedicated, well-drilled unit. Being now full of holes, they all bled to death rather quickly. Disappointedly, Ozalp fell off. This was quite a surprise to the crowd of onlookers since he wasn't there. Nonetheless, a newer shade of blue caught the attention of a raving kneebrace, which was obviously suffering a bout of metal fatigue and couldn't be trusted.

Sir Mervyn Moncrieff once invented a kneebrace immune to the ever-present danger of lurgy. On his deathbed, he failed to reveal the whereabouts of the mirror-coated canine, who was particularly difficult to see in the desert. At least Ozalp thought so in his half-life. As he decayed, his particles sought odd jobs at the CES. And the jobs at this particular CES were decidedly odd. Most revolved around the huge mirror at the end of the entrance hall, or rather, what people did to each other in front of that mirror. Stuart, still giggling as he undressed, was soon toasted to a nice crisp golden colour. After that, removing bodily hair became a nightmare.

``Could you massage my stoat?'' asked Olga, ``or is it that you are required back at the office to skin a goose?'' ``No, I only skin geese on Thursdays. Does your stoat have Lurgy?'' he replied, readying a trombone. With the last of his remaining strength, he died gracefully and fell down the stairs.

As Ozalp chewed on his leg, he reflected on the nearest axis and inverted with respect to omega. This was no mean feat while leaving all the shins to rot in the sun. Ozalp asked, ``Synthia, are those your luminous eyes rotting in the sand?'' Synthia replied that they were in fact her non-luminous eyes, and the luminous pair were safely in her handbag. Overhearing this, the eyes, despite a rather nasty case of arthritis, crawled sluggishly towards Ozalp, who received them with glee. ``I can see!'' he exclaimed joyfully, as a strangely glowing food preserving machine crushed him to orange juice, tinned him, and set the use-by date to last Saturday, so that only a certain catering firm (well known for its hospital, jail, and university college contracts) would buy it. The students were so amazed at not contracting food poisoning that day, that they all died rather painlessly.

Grinning, chief cook (Patrick the somewhat-decayed) marinated his leg in a light white wine (possibly a shiraz, although this was never determined) and grilled until the (gorilla was (able to learn enough (lisp to) overcome the (grip of the (parentheses) ] there, amazing how easy it is to escape in a hurry when you have to. Its even easier when you have three, although much more tiring. Dennis the shagged-out hedgehog nodded wisely as he fell off into the void above. Noticing his absence, which he did.

At the party later, all the guests were passing around what they claimed were fragments of the mirror, although this seemed a bit far-fetched because they had come from a great distance and had `Made in Hong Kong' engraved in the lower underside of the uppermost middle section. This was removed as it was clearly no longer needed and only wasted paper by raving on and on and on. Still, Stuart knew that his usual habit of aimless laughing was taking him many times around Trafalgar Square, and the lions were getting hungry. They ate a passing windmill with mirrored sails.

Later, there was more food as the toddler happily gurgled his way down Ozalp's throat. Satisfied, Ozalp burped contentedly. A falling pipe organ smashed the reclining Ozalp into tune and he became a dedicated 8' Diapason pipe. Reflectively, the silver-coated Ozalp glinted specularly in the albedo, his newly purchased mirror sitting in the place of honour above the fire-place, nicely reflecting the samurai sword.