Slugs Become Bifocal Buffaloes Juxtaposed Nondeterministically

Callum, David, Warren

21st August, 1989

Anja was amused. It had been several moments since her success in stabbing Patrick to death. She wiped the cello clean with her tongue, and wiped the bow onto her dress. Ozalp shouted ``And they're racing!'' much to the amusement of Stuart, who laughed uncontrollably until he was shot by a particularly tense Stephanie who was suffering from amnesia.

She began learning the bassoon, but the strings kept breaking, and the reed pipe she got to replace it soon began radiating raw musical talent, and soon burst into flame, unfortunately setting fire to a page of this story which in turn burnt down the author's house and consumed all with a passionate desire to learn the Cor Anglais.

The bank robbers burst in wielding sausages, and slugs straining at their leashes. Then the iceberg they had narrowly missed became a chief asset of Sir Mervyn Moncrieff O.B.E, B.T.W, I.M.H.O, R.T.F.M who had lately taken up hunting as a banana.

Synthia was feeling Pierre's french horn and the band played `Annie Laurie' as the ship went down. On the sea bottom the acoustics were somewhat impaired so Anja gave up the bugle and decided that Patrick should be shot since he appeared to be twitching slightly. Just at the critical moment her kneebrace slipped and knocked off her bifocals.

``Gasp, are they Bison, Yaccs, or Buffaloes? Quick hand me my piccolo and polyurethane ethiopian nose flute. Then turn off the `lint: unreached statement' flag and beware of llamas because it usually causes small pustules to erupt on the underside of one's tongue.'' Robert screamed. Stuart laughed, and Prunella became the first female guitarist to be crushed by her Marshall stack.

Popping through a sliding window, Martha was confused by her new bifocals and tripped over a racehorse. Meanwhile Janet was being tortured by the Music Master who wanted her to play Bach's fifteenth harpsichord concerto on the PVC ethiopian nose flute. The racehorse barked at the passing police car. Screeching to a halt, Sergeant Melinda lost her temper which caused everyone to get out of time.

Deciding to make the most of the hoard of hash, Dennis started playing his saxophone, but his prosthetic petunia pierced his perspicacious pineapple; slowly his strength was sapped and he started to play flat.

``Little does he suspect that my harmless looking nose flute is really a deadly Indian blow-pipe'', thought Janet. Just then a horse climbed in through the window and bit off her head. The blood pumped profusely from her neck stump and soon it had congealed leaving a small wound which could be stitched up.

Luckily, Anja had a reel of gaff tape to patch the huge gaping hole the iceberg had ripped in the side of the ship. Then she cut a length of anchor rope and used it with a marlin spike to stitch the cut on Baldric's knob. ``Too much twiddling'' she scolded, as she slipped and caused irreparable damage. Gasping for breath, Baldric was overcome by the fumes from the tea, and noticed the haunting sounds of a distant organ. ``No'', he cried, ``I can't take Kylie any more''. His inchoate rambling soon lead the party deep into the forest. Eventually, they realised they were totally lost. Well, at least there was a good supply of cheese and ammunition. If the cheese ran out they would be able to shoot the juiciest looking person and use them for the direction to the opera house.

Martha started playing bagpipes made out of stoat - the whine of the wool-spinning machines mixed with the music and the shouts of the vendors at the market stalls. Prunella purchased a cheap cheese-knife and used it to stalk down her prey. Baring her pointy teeth, she closed her mouth. Nearby, a small toddler picked up a toy, and was crushed to death by the piano falling on him. The Steinway nameplate fell off, revealing a `Chippendale Brothers Aircraft' logo. Dennis H. H. Bond (008 toll-free) pressed the emergency button then flew off in the piano.

A blind vendor was trying to sell over-ripe tomato peelers. He was suddenly flattened by a falling piano which rang out loudly in the key of A minor 13. ``Could you please remove this chord from around my neck?''

Robert sat sipping shiraz, unaware that the severed arm on the table was his. As the pool of blood by his side grew, Robert suddenly noticed it, and fainted at the thought of wasting so much good blood. He grabbed a sponge and soaked up another glassfull of the so-called shiraz, and sipped it until the sun set and they all went home. Then an evil looking figure with a black cape and pointed teeth entered the scene and laughed. Suffering a sudden lack of identity, he faded into a silhouette and was unable to perform any of his harpsichord pieces with only one arm.

On the island of Elba, Napoleon was under attack by a large herd of B flat goats and duralium G sharp pan-pipes played by itinerant gumbies. ``Launch the torpedoes'', screamed Napoleon, himself, in person. Then play was abandoned due to rain. Herds of wildebeests swept majestically across the floor until all the blood was cleared away. Napoleon became suddenly disoriented and died.

Sinking to her knees in grief, Anja cradled his now flattened toddler in her arms. Nearby, as Marie Antoinette was playing hopscotch on the road, a guillotine strapped to a Volvo hit her. The Terminator made an entrance, a machine gun in each hand and A.I. code written in Cobol and 6502 assembler scrolling from his eyeballs. Seeing her dead, he shot the story instead.