Beyond The Ancient Realms, Beyond Ancient Realms

Anthony, Brendan, Callum, David, Derrick, Warren

7th May, 1989

Once there was a kingdom north of the mountains where elves worked the forests, or so it was said, because of all the little footprints in the forests. These footprints belonged to the old and wise Ozalp (the wild bush dog), friend of Robert and answerable to no-one else, except death.

Nearby the fields of elderberries were nearly ready for harvesting. Englebert was very concerned that the Lithuanian Tigers were extinct, in fact that they had never existed. Grabbing the couch he shouted ``Come on Tigers!'' as they scored their seventh try. (Naming teams after extinct??) The Tigers' Wayne `Lighting' Smith converted the try.

Meanwhile Robert `rubberhips' McDoogle and his amazing dancing fridge were well on their way to being the next conquest of Anja the well known thigh and tits flasher from a little planet somewhere in a nearby pork chop. Anja became restless as she unbuttoned Patrick's nostril and filled it with Roundup. ``Must keep the weeds down, Pat'' she explained.

Later the bed springs gave out, and in future life they always did it in the nuclear fridge instead, leading to mutations in their offspring who later became totally opaque.

Beyond this realm, in the other ancient realm, we see yet another further bigger ancient realm than that surmised previously in the story. As a consequence, everyone gave up and went elderberry picking for the summer. Unfortunately the crops were destroyed by a nuclear fridge which leaked and destroyed most of the leather sandwich. Anja and Patrick celebrated their wedding anniversary by drinking cheap wine and dining at the cemetery.

Over the border, celebrations of a different nature were taking place in someone's fridge which happened to be beyond the ancient realm of Freon-door. This ancient, if not archaic, duck was shot just above the beak in a senseless gangland slaying just before Thanksgiving.

On a brighter slice of cheese rode a slug singing the Hallelujah Chorus while Prunella watched in the nude, clutching at her toothbrush, not realizing she had just seen a great historical event.