Longditutinal Estimations; Wood Catharsis; Stellar Plastic

Anthony, Brendan, Callum, David, Derrick, Warren

7th May, 1989

Robert died instantly, and took no further part in this story. However several years previously Robert was sitting in a rather large pumpkin waiting for his head to grow back. Ninety times before he had opened the chest, but still there was nothing in it. Dejectedly he turned on the T.V. and then smashed the screen on seeing that `The Dreary Days of Our Young and Restless Doctor's Lives' was on.

So Sally turned over to watch `Play School' to learn about sex and mating with other people. She practised this new talent on a decomposing warthog in the near vicinity, which just happened to be Dennis. Unknown to Martha the stoat thrasher, Dennis was of Czeckoslovakian descent and was known to utter the phrase ``Y brk brk'' whenever his mouth worked. Fortunately it was gaff taped up, and thus soothed Anja's nerves.

She tried to concentrate on measuring the stellar parallax but with the looney on the left mucking up the story what chance did she have? None really. Meanwhile back in the lab, Doctor Archibald von McPhertanggg was sawing his assistant's plastic catharsis which was now plummeting towards the earth 100,000 feet below. As a rather putrid smell came over the land a flock of slugs was seen harassing old ladies in the street by chewing on their tender pension checks.

Basically, Patrick was now becoming an adolescent, pimples and dry rot infesting his normal and wooden legs respectively. Patrick mused about plastic prosthetics so he had it made of steel and treated with hedgehog skin dried in chicken soup. Chickens were Ozalp's favourite sex aid. Another of Ozalp's pet hates was unripe elderberries and lethargic mazurkas, which were common in this part of the sandwich.

Last of all came Cheryl, with her degree, two bouncing babies, and the pride and joy of her parents. Then it was found that their home town was fully half a degree of longitude further east than expected and therefore belonged to a neighbouring country. Depressed, they committed mass suicide, but all of the longditudinal estimations could narrow the wood catharthis to within a stellar mile of the Plastic People's Party. This method is no longer recommended.