The Knat Who Never Was

The Knat Who Never Was

Anthony, Brendan, Derrick, Callum, David, Warren

4th March, 1989

It was late in the evening, and a storm was brewing in the north. Prunella Knat was taking a hot, steaming interlude with her hedgehog. ``Golly'', she said, ``what big eyes you have'', as she stuffed a prawn roll into her mouth and washed it down with a rather large portion of vodka and then promptly fell over into the ditch and giggled, as if to say ``What is this shining implement I see before my head?''.

By now, the engines were running fiercely, and the spaceship was nearly out of fuel. ``Damn'', thought Dennis, the sensual hedgehog, ``we should have got that large long bent thing with the knob on top so we could bash the nasty Hedgehog Elimination Society president over the head with''. Wesborough came crashing through the trees waving a sharp pointed dog that had no eyes.

Suddenly, hundreds of tiny, in fact infinitesimal, elephants with tiny feelers crept up her body, nestling into the folds of dead skin and potato chip crumbs from the night before. She couldn't really remember how she had come by the potato chip crumbs, but hopefully the car engine would start.

Meanwhile, good old Dennis was taking aim upon Prunella, with a carrot on her head. He didn't have a chance to move before a large meteor came hurtling down upon him and barely missed his left pocket. He slipped over the stone, knocking Anja to the ground. Slightly perplexed at having Dennis on top of her, Anja quickly lost all interest in the soccer match going on in the nearby field of elderberries.

Dennis the warthog lie dying. In the nearby swamp, Dennis the other warthog was dead under the waterfall. But wait, what was that Prunella saw in the distance? It was a knat, although she couldn't quite be sure, having never seen one. She asked the Doctor, whose Gallifrean senses were not quite up to it. ``I told you those Bundy & Cokes were spiked with knat juice but you wouldn't believe me''. Sarah, the fried chicken stomped out of the room and melted into a ghostly outline that might just have been an amateur warthog remnant.

Meanwhile, the knat was crawling down the road to the place over the hill where it was first sighted. As the earth gaped open before them, they knew the only thing that had befriended them on this cold desolate place was Henry the knat. As they turned away, they vowed they would remember Henry as the knat who never was!