From alt.fan.goons Thu Aug 11 22:28:32 1994 Xref: a2i alt.fan.goons:2980 Path: a2i!ddsw1!godot.cc.duq.edu!news.duke.edu!news-feed-1.peachnet.edu!gatech!howland.reston.ans.net!agate!ames!waikato!auckland.ac.nz!ccu1.auckland.ac.nz!russells From: russells@ccu1.auckland.ac.nz (Russell Street) Newsgroups: alt.fan.goons Subject: Re: FAQ Date: 12 Aug 1994 03:22:27 GMT Organization: University of Auckland Lines: 4584 Distribution: world Message-ID: <32eptj$6fo@ccu2.auckland.ac.nz> References: <32dag0$55j@styx.uwa.edu.au> Reply-To: r.street@auckland.ac.nz (Russell Street) NNTP-Posting-Host: ccu1.auckland.ac.nz X-Newsreader: NN version 6.5.0 #6 (NOV) thogarth@yarrow.wt.uwa.edu.au (Tom Hogarth) scribbled: >FAQ anyone? It is old.. battered and in need of a reworking (aren't we all on a Friday afternoon), but here is something my mother used to sing to me when I was 93... One of these centuries I will get around to re-writing it. Russell ============================================================ The alt.fan.goons YAQ file ========================== By Russell Street (r.street@auckland.ac.nz) Version 0.201 --- 11th May 1994 This file was written and compiled by Russell Street, with the help of many. Comments, critisims, additions, corrections and small unmarked bills can be sent to me: r.street@auckland.ac.nz (Russell Street). However, I take no responsibility for the information here in: usual disclaimers apply... I have been trying to write this on and off now for about 1 and half years. When I got around to cleaning it up before posting it now, I noticed I had written ``13th September 1993'' on it. When this gets a little more fleshed out, it might even get cross posted to alt.fan.goons and alt.answers (and a few other places, say comp.compression) on an irregular basis. As I sort through the saved postings, I could find other interesting information. Apologies for the length of this (~4500 lines, 140K). If too inconvient, I will split it up into pieces, or post it longways. New in this edition ------------------- 0.2: * The Goonography now includes the cronological index as well as the alphabetic one * A set of character descriptions from one of the script books * Heaps of corrections and additions * Grown from 2900 lines to 4500 lines! 0.201: * `yiddle' changed to `iddle' Contents -------- 1. Introduction 2. The Shows themselves 3. The Characters 4. The Participants 4.1 Spike Milligan 4.2 Peter Sellers 4.3 Harry Secombe 4.4 Michael Bentine 4.5 Wallace "Bill" Greenslade 4.6 Max Geldray 4.7 Ray Ellington 4.8 Guests and others 5. Commercial Releases of the Goon Show and other stuff 6. Books 7. Catchphrases and sayings 8. The archive site 9. Goon Preservation Societies 10. Films 11. The Films of Peter Sellers 12. Lyrics 13. Program list 14. BBC Censorship --- The Green Book 15. Credits 16. Eternal Debate 1. Introduction --------------- `The Goon Show' is/was a radio program that played on BBC radio from November 1952 to January 1960. Mostly written by Spike Milligan, it was mostly performed by him, with Peter Sellers and Harry Secombe. The news group `alt.fan.goons' is a newsgroup devoted to the Goon Show. The main purpose of the group seems to be slanging quotations from the shows around. This is a great waste of precious bandwidth and is to be encouraged at all costs! Last time I looked at the list of newsgroups by volume, alt.fan.goons was about half way down it. I will try to get the exact statistics when they wizz past. Ob quote: Ned: Have you got the statistics? Crun: Yes --- very badly. Many sites may also have the newsgroup `alt.fan.wal-greenslade'. This group appeared shortly before `alt.fan.goons' to ``announce'' the start of the Goon Show group. For those who like such statistics, here are some for March 1994. Newsgroup mask: alt.fan.goons --- March 1994 Total articles: 138 Field Kb %hdr %nohdr ----------------------------------------- Kbytes: 240.86 100.00 ---.-- Headers: 102.24 42.45 ---.-- Body: 138.62 57.55 100.00 Useful: 114.67 47.61 82.72 Signatures: 6.35 2.64 4.58 Quoting: 17.60 7.31 12.69 User address #msg #kb %sig %quote 00000. nz 31 94.54 2.72 3.56 00001. uk 40 54.75 3.54 10.74 00002. edu 26 34.21 0.72 14.84 00003. au 12 20.62 2.70 7.67 00004. com 10 11.91 4.72 5.64 00005. sg 6 10.31 0.00 0.00 00006. ca 6 5.87 7.55 3.53 00007. org 5 5.74 0.00 4.75 00008. ie 1 2.14 0.00 25.51 00009. net 1 0.78 5.28 0.00 This file is designed to be a collection of the net's wisdom of things Goonographic -- a term coined by me to describe things to do with the Goon Show. It is called a `YAQ' file after one of the shows catchphrases -- this is a ``Ying Tong Iddle I Po Asked Question'' file. [The term was invented by Bill Taylor (wft@math.canterbury.ac.nz), though he now pleads the headaches.] Contributions are welcome: especially to fill the gaps. [Gaps available, post free from any post-free post office.] A small archive site for the group has been set up. Remember: It's all in the mind, you know --- it says here in small print 2. The Shows ------------ There were about 250 Goon Shows created in all -- of which 150 odd still exist. A complete list of the shows appears near the end of this post because of its size. It was taken from the definitive book on the Goons: 'The Goon Show Companion' by Roger Wilmut -- see ``Books'' below. Quite a few shows have been released on commerical records, tapes and CDs. These are also listed below. [Do you get the feeling this YAQ is more like an iceburg, than a text file?] 3. The Characters ----------------- The list below comes from ``The Goon Show Companion''. HARRY SECOMBE plays Neddie Seagoon Old Uncle Oscar Fred Bogg (cockney idiot) Mr. Nugent Dirt Big Chief Worri Guts PETER SELLERS plays Mr. Henry Crun Cynthia/'Breathy Kensington Dear' Hercules Grytpype-Thynne Hern (American Announcer) Major Dennis Bloodnok Babu Banerjee Bluebottle 'Dear Duchess' Willium ('Mate') Hairy Scot Lew/'Cash'/Judge Schnorrer 'Swede' (rustic voice) Gravely Headstone 'Geraldo' Flowerdew ('camp' voice) 'Cyril' ('I seen 'im') Dr. Justin Eidelburger 'Dimbleby' Reuben Croucher 'Churchill' William J. MacGoonigal (sometimes) and the piano (very badly) SPIKE MlLLlGAN plays Eccles 'Wolfit' (tragic actor) Miss Minnie Bannister Fred Fu-Manchu (and other Chinese Count Jim Moriarty gentlemen) Abdul/Singhiz Thingz Throat/Miss Throat Mr. Lalkaka Yakamoto Bowser (upper-class twit) Jim Spriggs Basil Adolphus Spriggs (wandering singer) (upper-upper-class twit) William J. MacGoonigal (other times) Little Jim Odium RAY ELLINGTON plays Big Chief Ellinga The Red Bladder Gladys [From James Dickie (jamie@spd.eee.strathclyde.ac.uk)] The Main Characters =================== * This material is taken, totally without permission, from the book _The Goon Show Scripts_ by Spike Milligan, Sphere Books 1973.* Eccles ====== (The original Goon) Born 1863. Only child of Ethel Cox. Virgin birth. Educated at Convent till age 7 - end of education. Has had 18,312 interviews for jobs. Has never been employed. Spends his days walking around saying "Hello dere" to anyone who will listen. Wears a 33-year-old Burton suit. Is occasionally used by the Metropolitan Police for target practice. Was once painted by Augustus John from head to foot with whitewash. Likes children. Children like him. His economy drives consist of wearing only one sock. Was the personal friend of a brewer's dray. Was Home Secretary for 3 days - until the printing error was discovered. Lives near 29 Scrot Lane, Balham. Clubs: none. Recreations: walking around saying "Hello dere" to anyone who will listen. Bluebottle ========== (A cardboard cut-out liquorice and string hero) 'Ye he he! Heuheuheuheuheu he!' A proffered bag of dolly mixtures plus a free subscription to _Wonder Mag_ persuaded the ragged Boy Scout with a penchant for Sabrina and an eye for the birds to append this, his signature, to the aforegoing: X Neddie Seagoon ============== (True blue British idiot and hero always) 'Whatwhatwhatwhatwhat? Can't stop now - must dash to the last page.' (A flash through this book revealed that Mr Seagoon had indeed dashed the last page.) Mr Henry Crun ============= (A thin ancient and inventor) 'Mnk-grnk-mnk-mnk-grmp.' (Persistent questioning failed to refresh Mr Crun's memory as to the identity of Mr Henry Crun, beyond the remark, 'Henry Crun? Mnk- isn't that the name of - mnk- Henry Crun?') Miss Minnie Banister ==================== (Spinster of the Parish) Although she refused to be quoted directly, some Sanders-style flattery induced Miss Bannister to reveal that she had once danced the Can-Can at the Windmill Theatre, and that in the naughty nineties she had been the darling of Roper's Light Horse'. She also hinted at a former passionate involvment with a bounder named Bloodnok. When pressed, however, she screamed and refered all further questions to her spokesman and companion of honour, Mr Henry Crun. Comte Toulouse-Moriaty of the House of Roland ============================================= (French scrag and lackey to Grytpype-Thynne) Born 1920 Paris. Educated - Sorbonne and St. Cyr Military Academy. Captained French Moron Racing Car Team at Brooklands 1927 - bacame the latin darling of the Motoring Set, lionised by London, seen at all smart places - The Cafe Royal - the Ritz - danced the Tango all night long with Lady Astor. Operation for piles. Wall Street crash - family fortune decimated. Started work as a gigolo at New Cron Palais de Dance, was befriended by Hercules Grytpype-Thynne, who offered to 'Manage' his career. Under Grytpype'scareful 'management' he is now bald, daft, deaf, and worthless. Currently working under licence as a trainee corpse in Leith Crematorium and hoping to play the lead in _Jesus Christ Superstar_. Clubs: Chateau Neuf. Recreation: trying to escape. Hercules Grytpype-Thynne, The Hon. ================================== (A plausible public school villain and cad) Son of Lord "Sticky" Thynne and Miss Vera Colin, a waitress at Paddington Station. Educated at Eton Mixed Grammar School, Penge; was manager of the rugby team, 15th man at cricket, subject of a police investigation on school homosexuality. Eventually left school at 20 - did 2 years at Oxford; subject of a police investigation on homosexuality. Joined Household Cavalry; served throughout the war at Knightsbridge barracks. Subject of a military police investigation on homosexuality. Impl;icated in the sale of Regimental Silver Plate - 3 years at the Scrubbs. Was subject of a prisoners' investigation on homosexuality. On release became a life member of Harrow Labour Exchange. Joined the Foreign Office - implicateds in homosexuality with Masai goat herd. Roving Ambassador to the Outer Hebrides. Awarded OBE in Birthday Honours. Currently private secretary to a British Lord. Club: Junior Carlton. Recreations: Homosexuality. Major Dennis Bloodnok, Ind. Arm. Rtd. ===================================== (Military idiot, coward and bar) Born 1867 and 1880, Sandhurst NAAFI. Served in S. African war - taken prisoner on first day in stange circumstances. Released by Boers after three days as being "unreliable". Spent the rest of the war in the Pay Corps. Large sums of money were in his keeping. They were never traced. Transferred to Aldershot Southern Command as Quatermaster General - was responsible for 30,000 rupees worth of stores. They were never traced. Military Police traced _him_ to Rangoon, where he wsa found wearing false testicles in a Freak Show. Cashiered. Married the Hon. Mrs. Scrack-Thing. Divorced. Rejoined Army under an assumed height as Florence Bloodnok: served 1 year in ATS. His disguise became known when he reported a sailor for molesting him in an air-raid shelter. Using his position as a mason, he re-joined the Army as a Major; he saw action and suffered wounds in the bedroom of Mrs. Madge Feel. World War II - he was found hiding in a hut near Quetta, where he swore a solemn oath that he was an eccentric Hindu fakir who had gone white with fear. Cashiered for the 7th time - a world military record. Wearing a stocking mask, he rejoined the British Army as a Chinaman. Using masonic connections he became a Major again. Clubs: Anyone. Recreations: Piccadilly Circus. Hobbies: The Indian Army. Agent: Miss M. Bannister. Willium 'Mate' Cobblers ======================= (Drains cleared while you wait) Born Shoreditch 1900, son of Fred "Chopper" Cobblers, OBE, road sweeper, and Vera Colin. Left school at 14. Joined Thomas Crapper & Son as tea boy. Joined Chislehurst Laundry as tea boy. Joined Woolwich Arsenal as tea boy. Conscripted for World War I as Private in Sappers and Miners as a tea boy. Rose to rank of acting unpaid Lance Corporal - injured in action by tea urn falling on head. Mentioned in dispatches as "always moaning". Discharged in 1918, since when he has wandered the streets of London telling people, with no authority whatsoever, "You can't park there" or "Put that cigarette out" or "I don't know, I'm a stranger round here" or "Why don't you get yer 'air cut?" or "Two years in the Army would do 'em good" or "Bloody foreigners" or "I spent 4 years fighting for this country". Now uniformed doorman at BBC Aeolian Hall, wears full war medals at all times, and King's badge for the disabled. Informs all visitors to the BBC, "It's nothing to do with me mate." Clubs: Bristol Legion. Recreations: saying "You can't park there", etc. 4. The Participants ------------------- [Here I am going to need some HELPPPPPPPPPPP!! esp on the biographical details and other work. I do not need to pay Hercules Grytpype-Thynne #xxx, because I was not using the word `help' to get out of danger.] 4.1 Spike Milligan: Born Terence Alan Milligan on the 16th April 1918, in India. He wrote most of the Goon Shows, with help from others like Larry Stevens and Eric Skyes. He has written several autobiographies based on his war experiences: [alas I have misplaced the list -- must be buried somewhere ;)] Plus one of his families' history, plus a hell of a lot of other material, including ``The Bed Sitting Room'', which was turned into a film, many children's books, ``Puccoon''. His work after the Goons has included lots of children's stuff (like ``Bad Jelly the Witch''), several TV series in the late 60s (Q4, Q8 etc). Also much poetry, and he revived the work of a *real* Scottish poet William McGonagall. The awful poetry inspired an even more awful film about McGonagall, called ``The Great McGonagall'' (1975). This film has to be seen to be believed! [From Tom Collins (tommyc@patchbay.com)] And Milligan not only churns out books and letters to the editor, he recently (last couple of years) toured Australia in some play and makes occasional appearances in films. The most prominent of these, maybe, is in The Three Musketeers, where he was the husband of a buxom wife palyed by someone well-known; I forget whom. Puckoon was Milligan's first novel. His wartime autobiogs have been (all of them? some of them?) British bestsellers, and at least one (perhaps it was: Hitler-- My Part in His Downfall) has been filmed. William McGonnigal, of course, was an all too real and really, really wretchedly bad, Scots poet (author of Poetic Gems, which is worse than you can imagine). Spike's Autobiographical war memiors: [From Steve Caskey (caskey_s@kosmos.wcc.govt.nz)] Adolf Hitler: My Part In His Downfall 1971 ISBN 0 14 00.3520 6 "Rommel?" "Gunner Who?" 1974 ISBN 0 14 00.4107 9 Monty: His Part In My Victory 1976 ISBN 0 14 00.4503 1 Mussolini: His Part In My Downfall 1978 ISBN 0 14 00.5196 1 Where Have All The Bullets Gone? 1985 ISBN 0-14-008892-X Goodbye Soldier 1986 ISBN 0-14-010338-4 Peace Work 1991 ISBN 0-14-014970-8 All my copies are Penguin paperbacks. Here is Penguin's address for various countries (taken from "Peace Work"). Penguin Books Ltd, 27 Wrights Lane, London W8 5TZ, England Penguin Books USA Inc, 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, USA Penguin Books Australia Ltd, Ringwood, Victoria, Australia Penguin Books Canada Ltd, 10 Alcorn Avenue, Toronto, Ontario, Canada M4V 3B2 Penguin Books (NZ) Ltd, 182-190 Wairau Road, Auckland 10, New Zealand 4.2 Peter Sellers ----------------- Born Richard Henry Sellers on 8th September 1925, he died on 24th July 1980, aged 54. He must have had a biography -- what was it? them? Starred in a *lot* of films -- ``The Pink Panther'' series, ``Doctor Strangelove'' (where he played three parts), ``I'm all right, Jack'', ``Being There'' (my favourite of his). He also did a lot of comedy records over the years -- a superb complimation has been released by EMI -- see the section on Commercial releases.. An attached list lists the films and records of Peter Sellers. 4.3 Harry Secombe ----------------- [From Duncan Gibson (dgibson@titan.trl.OZ.AU)] _Sir_ Harry, thankyou. All round (:-)) singer and leek holding native of Wales. Numerous albums for those with musical tastes akin to the Queen's. [From Paul Martin (pm@nowster.demon.co.uk)] Born: sometime before the war. Still alive, despite our best efforts. Has Sunday AM "God slot" on UK Commercial TV. Harry Secombe had a singing shaver act which got him out of active service in WW2. During one Goon show, he sang something as a lark and a BBC upper eschelon type heard it and complained that Harry was flat. Harry was most annoyed at this, and promptly went and got his voice trained. (Down boy!) [From Tom Collins (tommyc@patchbay.com)] Secombe, for example, toured the US in the '60s as star of a musical called "Pickwick," playing the title role and singing "If I Ruled the World," its only memorable song. He currently has a relgious (?) tv programme called "Highways," in which he goes round Britain and sings hymns and such. At least, I think that's what it consists of. Haven't seen it. 4.4 Michael Bentine ------------------- Was a member of the Goon Show in the early days -- for the first two seasons, then went his seperate ways. His material is not exactly Goonish, but quite Goonlike. [From Duncan Gibson (dgibson@titan.trl.OZ.AU)] Michael Bentine's Potty Time! Slightly bizarre puppet show deserves a mention as do his quite serious (and sometimes depressing) books. Like... "The Summer of Open Doors" or something like that (yea^H^H^H decade since I read it). And "The Shy Person's Guide to Life". 4.5 Wallace "Bill" Greenslade ----------------------------- BBC announcer and part time player -- getting odd lines and such like. He once had an entire program devoted to him (``The Greenslade Story''), and once got to be the villian in ``The Phantom Headshaver of Brighton''. 4.6 Max Geldray --------------- Dutch, Harmonica player. Occasional player. A few, very badly spoken, lines. 4.7 Ray Ellington ----------------- Singer, drummer and part time player. More part time than Max. 4.8 Guests and others --------------------- Most of the orchestral arrangements were done by Wally Stott -- now Angela Morely. Wally (or Angela) also did the theme for ``Hancock's Half Hour''. The Goons had many guest stars over the years -- most notably John Snagge and Valentine Dyall. An attached list lists the guests. 4.8.1 John Snagge ----------------- Head BBC announcer. Did the University Boat Race for many years. 4.8.2 Valentine Dyall --------------------- Actor -- he played the Black Guardian in ``Doctor Who'', was the voice of Deep Thought the Computer in the TV Series ``The Hitchickers Guide to the Galaxy'', the voice of the Guardian of the Total Perspective Vortex in the radio series of the same. 4.8.3 Andrew Timothy -------------------- Andrew Timothy was the original announcer, and did the first series (and maybe the second). He also announced ``The Last Goon Show of them All'' in 1972, as Wallace Greenslade was excused due to death. 4.8.4 George Chisholm --------------------- This comes by way of Hugh Garsden (hughg@ee.su.oz.au) Before Christmas I asked about George Chisholm. I got the following reply from Andy Finney with permission to post it - ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi Hugh, I'm new on this here net but am a long time Goon listener ... and I used to work for the BBC! I saw your request about George Chisholm but I am not, so far, able top post a reply in the group so I'm sending a personal one. George was (he is dead now alas) a jazz trombonist. He was probably part of Wally Stott's pick-up band for the recordings. In the UK George was perhaps best known for his appearances on a curious anomaly called 'The Black and White Minstrel Show' which BBC television ran for years and years. It was. as you guessed, a 'coon' show and died the death in the 70s. Ironically it was one of the first shows made in colour by the BBC! Did ABC show it down your way? George was a Scot and would do a rather Ivor Cutler-like turn singing strange Scottish ditties and messing about on his trombone ... hiding the fact that he was an excellent player. I believe he made several records in his own right. I know of one, called Honky Tonk (Beltona BL2671) released in 1956. Happy New Year 4.8.5 The Guest List -------------------- This is the (definitive) guest list and 'who does not appear in what list'. Again, this is taken from ``The Goon Show Companion''. Micheal Bentine --------------- did not appear in 2/21 or any program in or after the 3rd series, except The Giant Bombardon 4/13 Spike Milligan does not appear in --------------------------------- 2/11 The Expedition for Toothpaste 3/5 The Archers 3/6 Robin Hoods 3/7 Where Does Santa Claus Go in the Summer 3/8 The Navy, Army, and Air Force 3/9 The British Way of Life 3/10 A Survey of Britain 3/11 Flint of the Flying Squad 3/12 Seaside Resorts in Winter 3/13 The Tragedy of Oxley Towers 3/14 The Story of Civilization 3/15 The MacReekie Rising of '74 7/4 Harry Secombe does not appear in -------------------------------- Spon 8/1 The 50 pound Cure 9/17 Peter Sellers did not appear in ------------------------------- Who Is Pink Oboe 9/11 Geldray does not appear in -------------------------- Coronation edition 3/SP The Missing Battleship 8/8 Ellington was pre-recorded in ----------------------------- The Invisible Acrobats The Great Bank of England Robbery The Siege of Fort Knight The Plasticine Man 8/13 The Curse of Frankenstein 8/18 Spike Milligan did not author or co-author [7] ------------------------------------------ The Flying Saucer Mystery 4/10 [Larry Stephens] The Missing Christmas Parcel -- Post Early for Christmas 6/SP [Eric Sykes] The Stolen Postman 8/11 [Larry Stephens] The Thing on the Mountain 8/15 [Larry Stephens and Maurice Wiltshire] The Moriarty Murder Mystery 8/17 [Larry Stephens and Maurice Wiltshire] The White Neddie Trade 8/19 [Larry Stephens and Maurice Wiltshire] The Seagoon Memoirs 9/7 [Larry Stephens and Maurice Wiltshire] Guests, in no particular order ------ [I have not counted the shows that no longer exist when totaling the number of shows each guest has appeared in.] Dick Emery [1] Robin Hoods 3/7 The Navy, Army, and Air Force 3/9 A Survey of Britain 3/11 Seaside Resorts in Winter 3/13 The Story of Civilization 3/15 The Mystery of the Monkey's Paw 3/17 Spon 8/1 Carole Carr [1] Robin Hoods 3/7 Ellis Powell [1] Where Does Santa Claus Go in the Summer 3/8 Graham Stark [6] The British Way of Life 3/10 Flint of the Flying Squad 3/12 The Tragedy of Oxley Towers 3/14 The Search for the Bearded Vulture 3/16 Coronation edition 3/SP Who Is Pink Oboe 9/11 Valentine Dyall [8] The Tragedy of Oxley Towers 3/14 The Canal 5/6 The House of Teeth 6/20 Drums Along the Mersey 7/2 The Spectre of Tintagel 7/5 The Giant Bombardon VG/4 Who Is Pink Oboe 9/11 The Silver Dubloons 10/5 Charlotte Mitchel [3] Ye Bandit of Sherwood Forest 5/14 Tales of Montmartre 6/18 Robin Hood 7/SP John Snagge [9] Nineteen-Eighty-Five 5/20 (pre-recorded) The Greenslade Story 6/14 The Great Tuscan Salami Scandal 6/23 (pre-recorded) Scradje 6/26 (pre-recorded) Tiddleywinks 8/24 Ned's Atomic Dustbin 9/10 (pre-recorded) Who Is Pink Oboe 9/11 (pre-recorded) The Chinese Legs 10/3 The Last Smoking Seagoon 10/6 (pre-recorded) George Chisholm [6] The MacReekie Rising of '74 7/4 Wings Over Dagenham 7/15 The String Robberies 8/16 The Curse of Frankenstein 8/18 The Spon Plaue 8/23 The Tay Bridge 9/15 Dennis Price [1] Robin Hood 7/SP Bernard Miles [1] The Rent Collectors 7/16 Jack Train [2] Shifting Sands 7/17 Who Is Pink Oboe 9/11 Cecile Chevreau [1] African Incident 8/14 A. E. Matthews [1] The Evils of Bushey Spon 8/25 Kenneth Connor [2] Who Is Pink Oboe 9/11 The 50 pound Cure 9/17 Andrew Timothy [1] The Scarlet Capsule 9/14 In order of number of appearances --------------------------------- John Snagge [9] Valentine Dyall [8] George Chisholm [6] Charlotte Mitchel [3] Kenneth Connor [2] Jack Train [2] Dick Emery [1 6 series 3] Carole Carr [1] Ellis Powell [1] Graham Stark [1 6 series 3] Dennis Price [1] Bernard Miles [1] Cecile Chevreau [1] A. E. Matthews [1] Andrew Timothy [1] 5. Commerical Releases ---------------------- During the '70s there were about 20 records released, with beautiful cartoon covers. I have only one of these -- 1985/The Shifting Sands --- its cover is superb... The following list comes from Paul Martin (pm@nowster.demon.co.uk): BBC Radio Collection double cassette packs. (UK Pounds 8) ========================================== ZBBC 1007 -- Goon Show Classics The Dreaded Batter Pudding Hurler Of Bexhill-on-Sea The Histories of Pliny the Elder The Jet-Propelled NAAFI The Evils of Bushey Spon ZBBC 1016 -- Goon Show Classics 2 Lurgi Strikes Britain The International Christmas Pudding Napoleon's Piano The Flea ZBBC 1047 -- Goon Show Classics 3 The Treasure of Loch Lomond The Greenslade Story Wings over Dagenham The Rent Collectors ZBBC 1048 -- Goon Show Classics 4 The Man Who Never Was The Case of the Missing C. D. Plates World War I The Nasty Affair at the Burami Oasis ZBBC 1133 -- Goon Show Classics 5 The Call of the West The Last Smoking Seagoon 1985 Shifting Sands ZBBC 1149 -- Goon Show Classics 6 Rommel's Treasure Ill met by Goonlight I Was Monty's Treble The Seagoon Memoirs ZBBC 1236 -- Goon Show Classics 7 The Whistling Spy Enigma The Affair of the Lone Banana The Great Tuscan Salami Scandal Scradje ZBBC 1334 -- Goon Show Classics 8 The Greatest Mountain in the World The Mystery of the Marie Celeste (solved) The Last Tram (from Clapham) The Spanish Suitcase ZBBC 1406 -- "What time is it, Eccles?" Goon Show Classics 9 Under Two Floorboards The Sinking of Westminster Pier The Yehti The Mysterious Punch-Up-The-Conker ZBBC 1513 -- "You can't get the wood you know!" Goon Show Classics [10] The White Box of Great Bardfield The Tales of Montmarte The Great Bank Robbery The Mystery of the Fake Neddie Seagoons EMI Comedy Classics double cassette packs. (no Ellington or Geldray music) ========================================== ECC4 -- The Goon Shows Vol 1 Tales of Old Dartmoor Dishonoured Tales of Men's Shirts The Scarlet Capsule ECC6 -- The Goon Shows Vol 2 China Story The McReekie Rising of '74 Six Charlies in Search of an Author Insurance, the White Man's Burden ECC9 -- The Goon Shows Vol 3 The Missing No. 10 Downing Street The Red Fort Foiled by President Fred Robin Hood and His Merry Men ---- end of list --- Plus also: The World of the Goons (released by Decca/Eclipse) on tape (just Goon songs) and CD (same, plus some of Max's and Ray's material). See `Lyrics' for even more. Nearly everything (and they mean *everything*) Peter Sellers has put down on leather and steam driven record can be found in the 4 CD box set A Celebration of Sellers EMI Catalog #7243 8 27781 2 7 A much smaller collection can be found on Peter Sellers: The Peter Sellers Collection EMI Comedy Classics #5 EMI Catalog #7 94583 4 A good cross section of Spike Milligan's material can be found on Spike Milligan: A Collection of Spikes EMI Comedy Classics #11 EMI Catalog #6 95306 4 There is also a tape/CD called The Dark Side of the Goon containing some of their solo works. Their 1972 performance for the BBC 50th Anniversary has been released on record, tape and *video*. Alas, the details escape me at present. [From Andy Finney ] EMI have also released: 'Bridge over the River Wye' is ECC 25 and is coupled with 'It's a Square World' which was a Michael Bentine TV show from the early 60s. [From Ursula 'Fnordibo' Stafford (stafford_u@kosmos.wcc.govt.nz)] Plus also "Dark Side of the Goon" and it's got solo stuff by Sellers, Milligna, and Secombe. 6. Books -------- **THE** book on the Goon Show is The Goon Show Companion By Roger Wilmut Published by Robson Books in the UK. Another good book is The Story of the Goons Several books of scripts have been published by Mr Milligna: The Lost Goon Shows The Goon Show Scripts More Goon Show Scripts, with a foreword by H.R.H. The Prince of Wales. 7. The Catchphrases ------------------- There were quite a few of these, most of these unique to the Goons. In no particular order, and very incomplete: Ying tong iddle I po: nonsense of no fixed origin. Said either when someone makes a startling revelation, or for no reason at all. Most often said by Harry Secombe [Seagoon], and often followed by a loud `GOOD!' from the rest of the cast. Also became a minor hit song for the trio, in the form of `The Ying Tong Song'. [From Mark Williams (mw10004@cus.cam.ac.uk):] Origin of Ying-tong-iddle-i-po: come from the name of Arthur Edginton. Spike was conversing with Harry Secombe concerning this great gent, and Secombe persisted in referring to him as Eddington . "No", sez Spike, "it's EDGington. YING-tong; YING-ton". "Iddle-i-po" replied Secombe, and 'istory was made. [I got this from an obituary of A E, who died recently] Hello 'der: Said by Eccles. Said when Eccles comes on the scene. Said really idiotically. Said in most programs. Enuf said. What what what what what what what what what what what what? Said by Seagoon when he does not understand something. Often followed by put downs, like ``tweleve watts --- that's not very bright''. Also often followed by Seagoon breaking down into chicken-type noises, for no readily apparent reason. You silly twisted boy, you: Said by Hercules Grytpype-Thynne of Neddie Seagoon. You can't get the wood, you know: Said by Henry Crun when asked just about anything. Also the subtitle of one of the commercial releases (see above). This, of course, refers to the shortages of materials during and after the Second World War (``there's a shortage of shortages''...) Have a gorilla: Most often said to Ned Seagoon by Hercules Grytpype-Thynne. The equivalent of ``have a cigarette''. Sometimes mutated to ``have a picture of Queen Victoria'', or even ``have a trombone/piano/bugle/gorilla''. Sometimes Ned accepts (to his peril in ``The Last of the Smoking Seagoons''), with ``no thanks -- I'm religious'', ``--- I just put one out'', or ``--- they hurt my throat''. ... Charlie ...: as in ``Oh look, Charlie's here'', or ``this is the Charlie''. Often said of Ned Seagoon just before someone gets him to do something he will regret. We'll all be murdered in our beds!: Said by Minnie Bannister, at the drop of a hat [if you listen very carefully, you can just hear her on the recording ;)]. When she was in a Bengal tiger it was ``we'll all be murdered in our tigers''. Fine, fine, fine: Said by Eccles. See `Hello 'der'. Very well, my good man: Also said by Eccles, and sometimes by Bluebottle. You wrotten swine, you deaded me: Said by Bluebottle just after he had been . Followed by ``I shan't play this wrotten game no more. Exits left with lugging lughole and shattered shins''. Bluebottle had many more lines, such as: Enter Bluebottle, waits for applause, as usual not a sausage. Strikes herioc pose, pants fall down spoiling effect. Needle nardle nu: another time filler. See ``ying tong iddle I po!'' above. 'Round the back for the 'old brandy: Often said just before the musical numbers, during which the cast would disappear for a few minutes and appear some what merrier. 'He has fallen in the water' (pronounced `He-he-he has fallen in the wa-ta'). Said by Little Jim (Spike with a child's voice and trousers to match) whenever anyone falls in the dreaded drowning-type water. This first appeared in ``The Rent Collectors'' (Series 7 #16, first broadcast 17th January 1957, released on Volume 3 of the EMI releases.) Plus there were plenty of running gags in the programs, such as... Tigers with flu (The White Box of Great Bardsfield): You can't come in --- Why not? I tiger has flu A tiger! Don't let it come near me? --- Why not? I've got flu! ``Let me take you wet kilt'', followed by the sound of ripping trousers. Also from The White Box of Great Bardsfield. ``I wonder if he played the saxaphone''... ``It belonged to my mother...'' The program with possibly the greatest collection is ``The Last of the Smoking Seagoons'', the very last regular Goon Show. Most of the characters had regular catchphrases and sayings. Bill Taylor provides this list: [(*) contributed by P J Bleackley ] Neddie: Hello folks! Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp! Ying tong iddle I po [All reply: GOOD !!] HerrRRP (gulp). What what whatwhatwhatwhatwhat ? STOOOOOOOOOOOP ! I don't wish to know that ! Needle nardle noo. h'enk-yeew Have a gorilla. Yakabooo! Needle-nardle-nu! (*) Thynne: Please... don't do that. You silly, twisted, boy. Give us another steaming French ow, Moriarty. Thank you; now get out ! Moriarty: Oaawwwwwwwwww Sapristi nabolis ! (both) April in Parrrriiii... Possibly could be explained by this (from Hugh Garsden (hughg@speech.su.oz.au): On Oz TV yesterday was THE movie - "April in Paris", starring Doris Day, 1953. I guess this is where yon-type catchphrase comes from. I didn't see the movie so don't know if they sing it as Thynne does. Eccles: Haaaalloo. Fine, fine, fine. I'm der famous Eccles. (*) Anyone: Shut up Eccles! Very well, my good man. Little Jim: He's fallen in the water. Bluebottle: You rotten swine you. I don't want to be deaded! I don't like this game. Hello ev'ybody. You swine you've deaded me! Ee-heee! I've been deaded again!!! Pauses for audience applause, not a sausage. Harm can come to a young lad like that ! I have heard you calling, I have heard my captain calling me... (*) Crun: You can't get the wood, you know. Oh you sinful modern Min, you. Minnie: Henry! There's someone knocking at the door! We'll all be murdered in our beds! Stop playing that sinful modern-type music, buddy. Willium: Oy, mate! You can't park that thing here, mate. Ooo mate, I been sponned. Bloodnok: It was hell in there. It's all lies, I tell you! Lies! Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oooooooh !! It's mine, I tell you; mine! Throat: ##Right## Wal: This is the BBC. And this is where the story really starts. 7.1 Names --------- Some ``interesting'' names made an appearance in the Goon Show. Ned Seagoon was often referred to as `Charlie'. [From Tom Collins (tommyc@patchbay.com)] "Charlie" is standard slang for an idiot (from Cockney rhyming slang, "Charlie funt"), not something peculiar to the Goon Show. Hugh Jamptom. Also from Cockney rhyming slang, "Hampton Wick" (a place) ... Spike apparently got this past the BBC censors by claiming there was a man in his regiment with this name. 7.2 Other inexplicable oddities ------------------------------- ... that the audience found screamingly funny ... The NAAFI --------- >Can someone please tell me what the NAAFI is and why a guided NAAFI >is such a funny concept? [From Alec (jac55@cas.org)] NAAFI is a nacronym for Navy, Army, Air Force Institute. Nowadays it does things like supply groceries, books, and newspapers from home for soldiers stationed abroad. The Naafi grocery at Slummit House in Berlin was the first place I'd seen Scottish pies in 20 years, although most of them weren't that fresh. In the days when the lads were under the colours it was the source of industrial strength tea, cigarettes, and served revolting hot food as an alternative to the revolting hot food served in the mess halls. The British soldier of WWII survived on tea and ciggies, so the Naafi was absolutely vital to the war effort. Alec - whose mum used to be a NAAFI manager. and a quote from a show: Crun: "NAAFI", what is Naf-eye? Seagoon: An organisation dedicated to the downfall of the British Soldier. Crun: Has it succeeded? Seagoon: Several times. [From Tim Poston (tim@iss.nus.sg)] And on why a jet-propelled one is funny: think of the most static, inert diner you can imagine, where the speed of the service is in deliberate contrast to the new-fangled Fast Food places; if you've been to England, think of how the Fast Food movement arrived there with even less flavout and the Fast drowned in the Atlantic; cross your eyes and see in stereo fusion an object for which jet propulsion is a wee bit more incongruous than for Highgate Cemetery. '...tell us where it is' ------------------------ From Steve Caskey (caskey_s@ix.wcc.govt.nz) In "I Was Monty's Treble" (second of ninth series, broadcast 10 November 1958) Bluebottle's opening lines are as follows: Message for you. I will read it. From Mrs Gladys Roonge, 45 Sebastopol Terrace, Scunthorpe. Sir, Reference the room you had here during the pantomime season. Well, we know what it is. We know who done it. But for heavens' sake tell us where it is. For those of you who don't know the story, this is the "punch line" to a joke/urban legend about (in the version I heard) a guest at the large country estate of some prominent and/or wealthy peer of the realm or similar. Arriving late, he goes almost immediately to bed. Waking later in the night he realises that (1) he urgently needs to take a shit, (2) he has no idea where the toilets are in the huge residence, and (3) there is no chamber pot under the bed. He hunts desperately for the WC, to no avail. The doors are locked. Finally, in desperation, he craps in a huge ornamental pot plant holder, replacing the plant over the motion. The following morning, he makes an excuse and leaves. He thinks he has got away with his faux pas, until a telegram arrives... ``Appia Pipe'' -------------- [From Nigel Strudwick (ncs3@cus.cam.ac.uk)] >In Histories of Pliny the Elder, there is a reference to the "Appia >Pipe", as known to those in the Army. This gets a big laugh. It's the old military type slang again = up your pipe = up your back passage! Another example of putting one over on the BBC. "your turn in the barrel" ------------------------- [From Roger Ratcliff (roger@eccles.psych.nwu.edu)] >What's the "your turn in the barrel" one? Please explain, explon, and >exploon, and in that order. From memory, put together long sea voyages, lack of female company, sailors, barrels with a 2 inch diameter bung hole about waist high,.... Let your imagination run wild. And my computer was named this since the late 50's ... always next door in China ... --------------------------------- [From Derek Wills (oo7@astro.as.utexas.edu)] >>> Neddy: Teahouse of the August Moon ? >>> Voice: No. Next door >>Neddy: Curses! It's always next door in china. >And everybody laughed for the "always next door" line, and I didn't >get it. Why is it funny? I think this is rude, and a reference to a common fallacy about the personal plumbing of Chinese among schoolchildren at the time. In one version of "The China Story", Neddie says something like "Cunning people, the Chinese, you never know which way they're going to go", in the other version he just says the first 4 words and the rest is edited out. Course, it could just be that I have a filthy mind since I was one of said schoolchildren at the time of the highly steamed and pressed Goon Show. Unfortunately, it made me the man I am. There may be a perfectly innocent reason why the remark is funny, in which case I shall be glad that I went no further than the above. ... But you've done me a power of good ... ------------------------------------------ This turned up in ``The Gold Plate Robbery'' where Bloodnok claims he got a gold record for this song: I don't know who you are, Sir Or where you come from But you've done me a power of good I don't know who you are, Sir Or where you come for But you've done me a power of good I was standing there, Sir Doing up me boots Suddenly from a back street I saw this hairy brute (to phone) Hello Eccles: Hello Bloodnok: Snap. That got rid of him! So I don't know who you are, Sir Or where you come from But you've done me a power of good (speed up) You've done me a miltary power of miltary good [From Matthew Fisher (mcf1000@bootes.cus.cam.ac.uk)] Well, it's another one of these hotel jokes. In the middle of the night one of the guests wanders off to the toilet (this is a British Hotel - no en-suite bathroom) and, being rather drunk, ends up in the wrong bedroom. He mistakes the person lying in the bed for his wife and acts accordingly. The next morning he finds he's in bed with a man, who says to him: "I don't know who you are, sir, but you've done my piles a POWER of good!" 8. The Archive Site ------------------- There is a sort of unofficial FTP site for Goon related stuff. Courtesy of David Josephson . It can be found at ftp rahul.net:/pub/davidj/goons There are/were a few digitized Goon sounds, some scripts (both transcribed and freshly writted), and some other needle nardle nu. 9. Goon Preservation Societies ------------------------------ This comes to your courtesy of Hugh Garsden (hughg@parlo.ee.su.oz.au): > The Australian Goon Society is - > > GASP (Goon Appreciation Society of Perth) > Brian Allanson > 34 Denham Way > Thornlie WA 6108 > Australia > $5 for a year membership. Ostensibly this covers 2 newsletters but > Brian is a little busy so there has only been 1 in the last year. He > runs the whole thing, as far as I can tell. > Why join? Well, GASP has the best collection of Goons material in > the Southern Hemisphere! (I just made that up, but I would bet on > it.) He has all the shows, videos, newspaper clippings, radio shows > about the Goons, TV shows about the Goons, all the stuff the the > individual Goons have done (radio, TV, books) etc, and everything > written about them. It all goes a long way back. He has original > scripts. The newsletter is sent to Seacombe and Milligan and they > know Brian. He gets material from the Goon Show Preservation Society > in Britain and knows most of the people. Anything on the Goons, he > has it. The newsletters are fascinating reading, and you can get > back issues. Plus Brian will supply all the shows you want on tape > (but I never said that :-) ). > One newsletter that I have contains a picture of the infamous > Sabrina. Apparently she was a model for the Philips company, and > even released a single. > Join now! And from Marc Wiener (marc@aip.org): > Yes they are. They have an extensive arvhive of shows and > related material along with a quarterly newsletter. Membership > is 3 pounds Student, 5 pounds Adult and 6 pounds Overseas. Information > can be had from the following: > > U.K. > George Brown > 83 Babingtrown Road > Dagenham, Essex RM82XR > > U.S. > Dick Baker > 7004 Westmoreland Road > Falls Church, VA 22042 > > Australia > Brian Allanson > 34 Denham Way > Thornlie, WA 6108 > > Canada > Bill Kempton > 1206 East 59 Avenue > Vancouver, BC V5X 149 > > South Africa > Aubrey Meier > 7 Goodwill Road > Pinetown 3610 And from Derek Wills (oo7@astro.as.utexas.edu): > My posting earlier today about getting tapes has already caught a > few Charlies with Goon Show leanings and other disabilities. > Perhaps it would be easier for me to post my standard message here > so that the Afflicted can benefit as appropriate. I think all the > information is current. I also have addresses for GSPS groups in > Oz, Canada, NZ, South Effrica and California, to name but a few: > --------------------------------------------------------------------- > OK, Neddie, here's the info you need for injections of things > Goonish. Write to Tom Yeates at 27 Kew Drive, Daveyhulme, Urmston, > Manchester M31 2WW, England. He is Secretary of the Goon Show > Preservation Society, and will gladly take your money - it currently > costs 6 leather pounds a year, or equivalent in used bus tickets. > At the current rate that's around $10. For this miniscule sum, you > receive quarterly newsletters of the society - typically 20-page > things that look as if they are put together by a bunch of > illiterate junior high schoool students (but then GSPS members are > not really normal). This contains Goonish articles, news of recent > books of interest to members, details of meetings (if you can > imagine a couple of dozen middle-aged loonies all doing Bluebottle > impressions; these meetings are in England, but I think there are a > few local gangs of Goon types in some areas of the US as well), > "idiotorials", news of Milligan and Secombe and so on. > There is an excellent book that is recommended reading for all > Goon fans: "The Goon Show Companion" by Roger Wilmut and Jimmy > Grafton (publ. Robson Books) - it's a thorough history of the Goons > and the Goon Show. There's also a less serious "The Book of the > Goons" (also publ. Robson Books), which contains inter-Goon > correspondence and five scripts. > OK, now concerning tapes - and this is where the story really > begins. There is a tape library in England, but they don't send > tapes overseas, the rotten swines. However, there is an archivist > in the U$A, who has an even larger collection than they do. He is > Dick Baker, and resides at 7004 Westmoreland Road, Falls Church, VA > 22042. Write and ask him what the current arrangements are for > getting tapes. When I joined up a few years ago, the deal was that > I sent him a couple of blank cassette tapes with a stamped > self-addressed "jiffy" bag for their return, and a nominal fee of $2 > (50 cents per show). His price may have gone up by now - it's > obviously minimal and is to cover the costs of maintaining his > recording equipment; he asks nothing for his time and trouble. > Depending on demand, he takes 1-3 weeks to get the tapes back to > you. Over the years I have got all the available tapes (which is > around 150 - although I had quite a few before, from commercial > tapes and copies from a local who recorded them off the University > of Texas' public radio station). Tell him I told you about this > service, if you like - we have been corresponding for a long time > now and he can write some hilarious letters. Mail the cassette > tapes both ways via "4th class - sound recordings", it's much > cheaper than first class and I never had any problems with it. > Hope this is useful; don't hesitate to ask more if you want to. > There are 3 other Goon fans in this Astronomy Department, but the > others are not really hard-bitten, that's to say they don't pound on > my door and demand to borrow tapes. They also don't order > personalized pencils that have Webster Smogpule or > H. Grytpype-Thynne engraved on them. Oh well. > Whatever the current heading says, my real name is Derek Wills, > and mail address is Dept. of Astronomy, University of Texas, Austin, > TX 78712. Phone is 512-471-1392 and E-mail address is > oo7@astro.as.utexas.edu. 10. Films --------- There have been a few Goon like films. From Tony Quinn (tonyquin@sixpints.demon.co.uk): > Full length films (containing 2 or more goons) > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > Penny Points to Paradise (1951) > > Not exactly a 'goonish' film, but it contains SM, HS and PS in what > is essentiallly a British slapstick comedy... > > Down among the Z men (1952) > > Contains many goons characters (Ozric Pureheart, Bloodnok, Eccles, > etc.). > > Forces Sweetheart (1953) > > Nothing to do with the goons, but stars HS and MB. > > The Bed Sitting Room (1969) > > Post goon surrealism.. stars SM and HS. > > The Great McGonagall (1974) > > An unmitigated Disaster starring SM and PS (as Queen Victoria) > > > Short Films > ~~~~~~~~~~~ > > Let's go Crazy (1951) > > Stars PS and SM ....... nothing more known. > > London Entertains (1951) > > A 'Goon Show' recording is one of the locations.. > > The Srange Case of the Mukkinese Battlehorn (1956) > > Real Goons stuff, though no HS > > Filmed in the wonder of Schizophrenoscope (The new Split screen). > > The Running, Jumping and Standing still Film (1959) > > PS, SM No plot or dialogue, the entire film takes place in a > field. Bill Taylor (wft@math.canterbury.ac.nz) said about ``The Running, Jumping Standing Still Film'': THE RUNNING JUMPING STANDING STILL FILM. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (Sounds like a good account of the Olympics- though doubtless more entertaining.) This was made by the goon crowd, in response to (as I heard it) criticism that most of their humour derived from weird sound effects. The film is (almost) entirely silent. It is one of the few films I remember that actually had me in physical pain from sidesplitting laughter. Doesn't anyone else recall the fabulous scenes where... Someone carefully placed a record on a tree stump, put an old-fashioned gramophone sound-horn and needle on it, and ran round and round..... A photographer beckoned his subject to come closer and closer, (seen through the lens, so we see only the hand coming up), then again, and again, with the subject getting closer and closer. Finally, when the subject is so close his face is filling the screen; WHAM, a boxing-gloved fist blams up and floors him... A violinist is playing away, peering through a telescope. Suddenly he stops playing, gets on a bicycle, and pedals over about 100 yards. There is a music stand; he turns the page over, hops on, cycles back, and continues playing... Surely someone else remembers ! If you can recall any further scenes, I'd love to here about them again. Please post ! Meanwhile..... 11. The Films of Peter Sellers ------------------------------ This is taken from the ``A Celebration of Sellers'' box set: [If you read this line, then I have forgotten to include the file.] I leave the above in for effect, but here are the details... The following is a complete list of all the films of Peter Sellers, and the characters he played. Taken from the booklet in the `A Celebration of Sellers' CD box set. EMI Sellers 1 Catalog #7243 8 27781 2 7 (c) 1993 1950 Black Rose (Bandit's voice) 1951 London Entertains (Himself) Let's Go Crazy (Groucho, Giuseppe, Cedric, Izzy Gozzunk, Crystal Hollibottom) Burlesque of Carmen Penny Points to Paradise (The Major, Arond P'Fringe) 1952 Down Under Among the Z Men (Colonel Bloodnok) 1953 Beat the Devil (Bogart's Voice) The Super Secret Service 1954 Our Girl Friday (Parrot squawks) Malaga (The whole cast) Orders Are Orders (Private Goffin) 1955 John & Julie (PC Diamond) 1956 The Man Who Never Was (Churchill's voice) The Ladykillers (Harry Robinson) The Case of the Mukkinese Battlehorn (Inspector Quilt, Henry Crun, Sid Crimp, Sir Jervis Fruit) 1957 The Smallest Show on Earth (Percy Quilt) Cold Comfort (Hector Dimwittie) Insomnia Is Good for You (Hector Dimwittie) Death of a Salesman 1958 The Naked Truth (Sonny MacGregor) Tom Thumb (Tony) Up the Creek (Bosum Dockerty) 1959 Carlton-Brone Of the F.O. (Amphibuolous) The Mouse that Roared (Count Mountjoy, Duchess Gloriana, Tully Bascombe) I'm All Right Jack (Fred Kite, Lord John) 1960 The Running, Jumping and Standing Still Film (Himself) The Battle of the Sexes (Mr Martin) Two-Way Stretch (Dodger Lane) Never Let Go (Lionel Meadows) The Millionairess (Dr Ahmed el Kabir, William Mate (voice)) Climb Up the Wall 1961 Mr Topaze (Albert Topaze) 1962 Only Two Can Play (John Lewis) The Road to Hong Kong (Indian Doctor) Waltz of the Toreadors (General Leo Fitzjohn) Lolita (Clare Quilty) The Dock Brief (Morgenhall) 1963 The Wrong Arm of the Law (Pearly Gates) Heaven's Above! (The Reverend John Smallwood) Light of Day 1964 The Pink Panther (Inspector Jacques Clouseau) Dr Strangelove, Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (Captain Lionel Mandrake, President Merkin Muffley, Dr. Strangelove) The World of Henry Orient (Henry Orient) A Shot in the Dark (Inspector Jacques Clouseau) Kiss Me Stupid (re-made without Sellers) (Orville J Spooner) A Carol for Another Christmas (US TV) Birds, Bees and Storks (Cartoon) (Narrator) 1965 What's New Pussycat? (Dr Fritz Fassbender) The Wrong Box (Dr Pratt) 1966 After the Fox (Aldo Vanucci) 1967 Casino Royale (Evelyn Tremble) The Bobo (Juan Bautista) Woman Seven Times (Jean) 1968 The Party (Hrundi V. Bakshi) I Love You, Alice B. Toklas (Harold Fine) 1970 The Magic Christian (Sir Guy Grand) Hoffman (Benhamin Hoffman) A Day At the Beach Simon, Simon (Himself) 1971 There's a Girl in my Soup (Robert Danvers) 1972 Where Does it Hurt? (Albert Hopfnagel) Alice's Adventures in Wonderland (The March Hare) 1973 The Blockhouse (unrealeased) (Rouquet) Soft Beds, Hard Battles (General Latour, Major Robinson, Herr Schroeder, Adolf Hilter, The President, Prince Kyoto, Narrator) 1974 THe Optimists of Nine Elms (Sam) Ghost in the Noonday Sun (video only) (Dick Scratcher) 1975 The Great McGonagall (Queen Victoria) The Return of the Pink Panther (Inspector Jacques Clouseau) 1976 Murder By Death (Sidney Wang) The Pink Panther Strikes Again (Inspector Jacques Clouseau) 1978 The Revenge of the Pink Panther (Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau) 1979 The Prisoner of Zenda (Jacques Clouseau) Being There (Chance the Gardener) 1980 The Fiendish Plot of Dr Fu Manchu (Hayland Smith, Dr Fred Fu Manchu) The Great Pram Race 1982 Trail of the Pink Panther (Inspector Jacques Clouseau) 12. Lyrics ---------- Here are the lyrics and sleve notes to ``The World of the Goons'' tape/CD, plus also the song `The Sewers of the Strand'', as sung by Spike. This number was originally done by Bluebottle in one of the shows. (Which one???) [If you read this line, then I have forgotten to include the file, again.] I haven't ... here are the documents... Below are my transcripts of the Goons's songs (i.e., songs they have done as a trio.) Like much great comedy, it is all in the presentation, so these lyrics do not make much sense on paper (neither, however, do they make much sense when you HEAR them but that is getting away from the point). I have attempted to write down what I heard, but that often proves difficult as Milligan is fond of words that do not exist, or you can not write down. In other places the words exist but are unintelligable (a little like me after listening to this stuff for two hours solid!) Any corrections, suggestions for what they actually said/sung/mumbled etc can be sent to me in a brown paper parcel. I will scurtinize them with an intense scrut and make the necessary adjustments. Updated: 27/3/94 with corrections from afg readers. And added The Sewers of the Strand at the end. Thanks to (in order of apperance in my saved article file) Major Matt Mason (marmelmm@dunx1.ocs.drexel.edu) Steve Caskey (caskey_s@ix.wcc.govt.nz) Paul Martin (pm@nowster.demon.co.uk) Nick Leverton (leveret@warren.demon.co.uk) Ivan D. Reid (ivan@erich.triumf.ca) Alun Jones (alun@internet.wst.com) Martin Manley (mgms@engc.bu.edu) The following information comes from the sleve notes (do tapes have 'sleves -- why, they don't even have jackets!) of "The World Of the Goons" My copy has an "eclipese" logo on it, and what looks like a catalog number: "820 908-4". The cover has a picture of a goose with it's head in an old fashioned wind-up gramophone (a play on the HMV dog.) ["This is the end of the horned phonograph and the little dog that looks into it!" (I can not recall which one this comes from.)] In addition to their radio work, in 1956 Decca Records UK (London US) opportunsitically had them sign on the dotted line to tape four singles: I'm Walking Backwards For Christmas (Milligan, Carbone) Bluebottle Blues (Milligan, Carbone) featuring Maurice Plonk and his Orchestra Fromage with Nick Rauchen conducting "The Ball's Pond Road, near the One in Harmony" Produced by Marcel Stellman Recorded: 24/05/1956 UK F 10756 Released: 25/06/1956 US 1684 04/08/1956 The Ying Tong Song (Milligan) Produced by Marcel Stellman Bloodnok's Rock'n'Roll Christmas (Carbone) Produced by Marcel Stellman Recorded: 16/08/1956 UK F 10780 Released: 10/09/1956, US None I Love You (Milligan), featuring Slim Idiot Produced by Marcel Stellman Eeh! Ah! Oh! Ooh! (Carbone, arr. Lockyer) with Orchestra directed by "SIR" Produced by Marcel Stellman Recorded: 10/03/1957 UK F 10885 Released: 20/04/1957 US None A Russian Love Song Whistle Your Cares Away (Milligan, Stephens) Produced by Marcel Stellman Recorded: 14/10/1957 UK F 10945 Released: 21/10/1957 US None They were, and have remained, consistent best-sellers under various guises and this package collects them all together. Two further titles were cut on March 10th 1957, but the tapes for these sadly disappeared at the time and they obviously can not be released. We can only wonder at what was concealed behind the billings "Who's That Knocking" and "Hello Folks". In 1978 original radio produce Marcel Stellman once again had the trio return to the Decca's tehn microphoned portals in the capital's West Hampstead district, whence they committed the two true stero waxings which complete this marvellous sound tapestry, "The Raspberry Song/Rhymes" (F 13769, Released 21/04/1978). The Raspberry Song (Adapated Milligan) Rhymes (Sarony, arr. Miligan) with the Wormwood Scrubs Screws Orchestra, conducted by Convict Ed Welch Produced by Marcel Stellman/Ed Welch In addition, Milligan has recorded on his own these relating directly to the Goons: My September Love (1956) [Eccles] You Gotta Go Oww! (1956) [Moriarity] Good King Eccleslas (1961) [Eccles, many] These are featured on an EMI "Comedy Classics" Collection #11, featuring a number of Milligan's songs, exerts from Pukcoon, his war autobiographies and "interviews". Included on the tape is an exert from "Dishonoured, again" under the unlikely title of "The Power of Licorice". [Released in 1990, catalog number 7 95306 4] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Here they are: The Ying Tong Song ------------------ [This transcription by Paul Martin, the silly twisted boy -- RS] [orchestral intro] Tenor: There's a song that I recall My mother sang to me. Sprigs [off]: Oh! [a sigh] Tenor: She sang it as she tucked me in When I was ninety-three. [harp plays a rising chord...] Sprigs: I diddle, I. Who was that bum? Bluebottle + Sprigs: Ying tong ying tong Ying tong ying tong Ying tong iddle I po, Ying tong ying tong Ying tong ying tong [bluebottle drops behind] Ying tong iddle I po Sprigs: Keep lad up. Keep. Bluebottle: Keep up lad up. Both: Ying tong ying tong Ying tong ying tong Ying tong iddle I po Sprigs: lad Both: Ying tong ying tong Ying tong iddle I po [lad] Iddle I po [lad] Ying tong ying tong Ying tong [Sprigs: iddle] [Bluebottle: ying tong] Ying tong iddle I po Ying tong ying tong iddle Bluebottle [spoken]: Ying tong iddle I po! [short raspberry, Secombe] Both: Oh! Ying tong ying tong Ying tong ying tong Ying tong iddle I po Ying tong ying tong Ying tong iddle I po Iddle I po! [trumpet bit] Bluebottle: Ying. Ying tongy tongy. Ying tong iddle I po. Ying tong iddle I po. [Secombe under this: What a lovely lovely boy!] [or Secombe under this: What a lovely melody devine!] Ying ying ying tongy tongy. [Milligan: Get out the rifle, sir.] [or Milligan: Get off the record.] Yeeeng. Ying tong ying tong d'gy-n'o. Ying tong d'ga. [Secombe: Get away.] D'g d'g d'ga. Ying tong iddle I po. Seagoon:Hear that crazy rhythm Driving me insane. Strike your partner on the bonce [bonk?]. [thump] Eccles: Ooh. I felt no pain. [Seagoon screeches] Seagoon, Bluebottle and Eccles: Ying tong ying tong Ying tong ying tong Ying... [harp chord rises] Soprano: Take me back to Vienna.... [Raspberry section, probably Milligan] Bloodnok: Ohhhhh! Eccles: Oh! [harp chord] Soprano: Take me back to Vienna, where the.... [crash!] Seagoon, Sprigs and Bluebottle [far off]: Ying tong ying tong Ying tong ying tong Ying tong iddle I po Ying tong ying tong Ying tong iddle I po [mad dash to foreground] Ying tong ying tong Ying tong ying tong Ying tong iddle I po [Sprigs: where's he going lad?] [BB: I don't know] Ying tong ying tong Ying tong iddle I po Seagoon: LOOK OUT! [cry from Bluebottle] [mad dash to distance] [hastily] Ying tong ying tong Ying tong ying tong Ying tong iddle I po Ying tong ying tong Ying tong iddle I po [dash to foreground] Ying tong... [whine of bomb dropping, explosion] Double speed, but same tempo, Goons: Ying tong ying tong Ying tong ying tong Ying tong iddle I po Ying tong ying tong Ying tong iddle I po Iddle I po. Ying tong ying tong Ying tong ying tong Ying tong iddle I po Ying tong ying tong Ying tong iddle I po Iddle I po. One: Ying! Tongy tongy tongy. Yiddy diddy diddy da daaa. Ying diddy. Ying tong diddle. Yiddada boo. [rhythmic thigh slapping, raspberry] All Ying tong ying tong Ying tong iddle Ying tong iddle I po Ying tong ying tong Ying tong iddle I po Iddle I po. Bluebottle?: Whoooooh! I Love You ---------- [ From ... marmelmm@dunx1.ocs.drexel.edu (Major Matt Mason) This, of course, was a reference to Wyatt Earp, famous Western sherrif-type fellow much lampooned in the 1950s and recently Kurt Russelized. ] Chorus Singers[CS]: Wirey Twerp, Wirey Twerp -- long may his memories remain Tall in the saddle and low in the ground That was old Wirey Twerp Twerp: (to horse) Whoa, whoa there, whoa! Well folks -- I'm a aiming to sing (sings) I love you Honest I do I love your brother Your dear old sister Sue (come in) I love your pa And you dear cousin Lou But most of all, my darling I love your brother CS: He loves you Honest he do He loves your brother Your dear old Sister, Flo Twerp: I love your pa (your pa) And your dear Cousin Lou (Lou) But most of all [burp], my darling I (He) loves your brother I do love you I do -- I dearest do (hiccup) Eeh! Ah! Oh! Ooh! ----------------- (Sellers) Friends, pick up that bottle you will find standing in the centre of your dining room table (Seacombe) Now examine it carefully and read what it says on the very small print on the back of the label (Sellers) Note that it's contents are invaluable for pea soup, falling ears, irritation of the nurglers, exterminating socks and preserving eggs (Milligan) And that doctors strongly recommend it as a cure for the lurgi, the on-set of the nadgers, spots before the ankles, soft shoulders, pink toenail and acute amounting (??) on the legs So ooooo (ow!) If you're turning pimply and your knees are turning blue Don't be nervous simply, try Eeh! Ah! Oh! Oh! Ooh! Practice every morning and you'll find that you Almost without warning will be Eeh! Oh! Ah! Oh! Ooh! (Seacombe) Combat your infection with this latest thing Follow the directions and PING! (Milligan) Now the nights are colder you'll find what to do right on the folder: Just Eeh! Ah! Oh! Ooh! (Sellers?) When the plin affects you, or you got the flu You'll find what protects you is Eeh! Ah! Nicky! Nu! Better than the whisky, brandy gin or glue Makes your liver frisky does Eeh! Or! Ah! Nu! (Milligan/Eccles) And for making company or ?????????? try some in your coffee And ya ha ya ya ha (Seacombe) So if you get heated, don't get in a stew Hold your breath, be seated and Eeh! Ah! Oh! (All) So when your out of ????? and the rent is due Just a tiny spoonful will do And Oh! Ah! Arg! Oh! Glug! Arg! Arc! Arg! Ooh! [Disgusting Donkey noises] (Sellers/Bloodnok) Oh -- Oh! that's better! Rhymes ------ (Secombe) I'm going to hold a rhyming comptetion To prove that England is the greatest still But if I don't like the rhyme that you have written I reserve the right, the poet for to kill! (Sellers/Thynee) This could mean the big time! Have you heard of this man Moriarty Who's never appeared with Russell Harty (Milligan/Moriarty) The reason is this: I was out on the (All) That was a terrible rhyme -- (Secombe) who's the next victim -- that' you (Sellers/Bloodnok) A nobleman from old Bohemia Whose daughter was christined Euphemia Though she was a real stunner, she married a gunner With chancres and haemiophilia! (All) That was a wonderful rhyme sign us another one,do! [ thought is comes out ``fright us a snagging or two'' -- RS ] (Milligan/Moriarty) The reason is this: I was out on the (Sellers/Bloodnok) Right in the old Niagaras (Sellers/Bluebottle) There was a young lady of Tottingham Who had no manners or had forgotten them At tea at the Vicar's, she ripped off her knickers Because she said she felt hot in 'em (All) That was a jolly good rhyme. Sing us another one, do (Milligan/Minnie) Why aren't I in this recording (Milligan/Eccles) There was a young man of Trilee Who was stung on the neck by a wasp When asked did it hurt, he replied not at all. It can't (All) That was an unfinished ryhme. Sing us another one do (Sellers?/Rough) Morning hard on the nurdle In arm with the bird and the burdle The old fargon goo, he done riden the blue And he grundled the gwreds and the gwrelds (All) That was a jolly good rhyme. Sing us another one, do (Milligan?/Japanese) There was a young man from Yokohomo Who marry a girl from Kawmow (?) On honeymoon night, bed catch alite So he get up and put on pyjammas (All) That was a jolly good rhyme. Sing us another one, do (Sellers/German) There was a young Nazi from Berlin Fought for Hitler in hopes that he would win Now he cleans all the shoes of the Golders Green Jews Boy have they got it in for him! (All) That was a jolly good rhyme. Sing us another one, do (Milligan/Indian1) There was a young man called Ghandi (Sellers/Indian2) Gandi is right (Indian1) Who went in to the bar for the Shandy (Indian2) You are right absolutely (Indian1) With his great loin cloth he wipes off the froth And the barman says "Blimey, that's handy" (All) That was a jolly good rhyme. Sing us another one, do (Eccles) Well that's the end of that (All) That was a jolly good rhyme. Sing us another one, do (Bloodnok) Look, I have several others rhymes unsung (All) That was a jolly good rhyme. Sing us another one, do (Minnie) Stop! Stop! Stop! (Moriarity) The reason was this, I was out on the Whistle Your Cares Away ----------------------- (Eccles): Oooohh! Who stuck that needle in my nut (Sellers): (Thank you, yes. Very good. Thank you maestro, I think I have it now) Life is ... (sorry, I'll start again) Life is full of modern type misfortune Full of strife and wow and grief by fright But even though you come upon misfortunes There's one thing that will save you in the end When life is not all bliss, please remembering (Secombe) (Thank you) When you're drowning in the waters of a shark infested bay Give a little and whistle your cares away When your standing on the gallows at the dreaded break of day Give a little and whistle your cares away (Eccles) Your beauty is a rhapsody -- classic melody Hiding all refrain from most experienced regancy (??) (Secombe) If your tied to the railroad and the train is on its way Give a little and whistle your cares away (Bluebottle) ??? of the dangers for a Wolf Cub Living in the dreaded London Town But your life will not be half as dreary, if you do not let them get you down So listen to my plea, for the price of one and three Oh, thank you (Little Jim) He has fallen in the water (Secombe) ... of a shark infested bay. Give a little HELP! (Eccles) ... and whistle your cares away (Minnie) Henry! Henry! Henry! [Or (Milligan) (horrible yodelling) (Secombe) If you're tied to the railroad and the train is on its way Just give a little and whistle your cares away (Eccles) Oh! Side 2 ====== The Raspberry Song ------------------ (Moriarty) Oh, oh! Let me out -- my only crime is eating (Secombe) Don't worry -- I'll give the screws a song The warden won't mind (Bloodnok) No -- he's doing bird as well. Mystro (Moriarty) Take your partners for the ball and chain one step One, two, three (Bloodnok) May I have this dance warden, you can hold my ball (Secombe) In a little prison where I'm locked in there is a most pecular fellow His name is Eccles and he's is in cell nine But his voice is soft and mellow He keeps a fruit cart in his cell, and all the convicts knows it He doesn't sing or rave about his fruit -- he simply blows it (Bloodnok) He's doing it all night long (Secombe) It's better than any song No, it isn't very pretty, but you've got to admit its cute (Bloodnok) Never, never (Secombe) So all together let it go -- eat more fruit! (Bloodnok) Don't tell me he's come to stay (Secombe) Let the wardens here him say Fruit's in season! Let's be merry! Apples, plums and the old raspberry Everything is fresh today (Bloodnok) Don't let him get near me, please! (Secombe) Every Friday night when work is done He does not wastes a minute To the prison warden he hurries 'round where he sings just like a lillet To hear him blow a melody its great, you can't deny it And if you've nothing else to do, we'd like the screws to try it (Bloodnok) No more, please! (Secombe) Get ready and do it now (Eccles) The crazy man, you know how (Bloodnok) God knows it isn't very pretty (Secombe) You've got to admit it's cute (Bloodnok) Well.... (Secombe) All together let it go -- eat more fruit (Bloodnok) There isn't a cure they say! (Secombe) Let the screws all hear him say: (Eccles) Don't eat farm laid (???) (Secombe) Every thing is fresh today (Bluebottle) Hello everybody, remember me, Bluebottle? I'm fourteen now and I have got boils Though I don't look very pretty, I'm wearing my new brown suit. The only trouble with it is when I go outside I'm struck my fruit. (Bloodnok) Don't point him at him I say (Secombe) It's a treat to hear him play Fruit's in season, plums and berries Apples, pears and the old raspberry (All) Every thing is fresh to day (Bloodnok) Someone open a window, please! Bluebottle Blues ---------------- Big musical introduction. Sound of door opening, and Bluebottle (B) runs up to microphone, where the Secombe (S) is waiting. B: Oh! Hello everybody! < fx: boos, rasperberries> S: Just the lad I've been looking for. B: Oh! S: Clamber on my head, Fred Whence all but you have fled, Fred There is no contesting, I've no way of manifesting How much I'd prefer you dead, Fred B: Oh I'm glad you like me, my Captain 'cause I trust you too. S: Gratify your wim, Jim. B: Jim? What happened to Fred? S: He changed his name. B: What to? S: Chunky. Tell me, can you swim Jim? B: No, Jim can not swim. S: Then step upon this plank, son On the river bank, son Which I have carefully arranged so that it will suddenly tip up and throw you into thirty feet of muddy water as you upset the trim by stepping on the rim, Jim. B: I say, it's not for deading me, is it Captain? S: Oh course not, dear boy! Just walk along it a bit further! B: Righty-ho then. Ahh. Here I am on the edge of the nice little wooden-type plank. It is a lovely day (fx: plank creakin) for a naughty plank walk. What? Arg! Oh! YAHHH! You've drowneded me. I do not like this game. I've got those "When I say I trust you I don't want to be drownded 'cause I do not like those kind of game" Blues. I don't like naughty tricks that go sploo gee splat (They say harm can come to a young lad like that) And I do not like explosions that blow me back for Christmas Out of my LCC sporting shoes [see below] I don't like being wetted by nasty April showers And I do not like being nutted by Eifel and Blackpool towers So I do not want to be drowned, nutted, deaded, hitted, splatted pledded! I don't like that kind of type blues -- I don't like that I've got them Bluebottle Blues. S: Still alive? Take this cigarette, pet. B: Oh ta S: No, don't light it yet, pet. All right, now you can light it. B: Are you sure that I won't be deaded or nothing, Captain? S: No, no -- don't be frightened! B: All right then, I'll just put a match to it, and .... < BOOOM> < over explosion > You rotten swine you! You deaded me again. I shan't play this rotten game no more. Picks up fractured knee caps, replaces lug in lughole And exits through little hole in middle of record (Milligan, unaccompanied) I'm walking backwards for Christmas -- oh no, that's on the other side, isn't it! [below: I always hear this line as Out of my el-seaside pudding queue [see below] but, from Derek Wills (oo7@astro.as.utexas.edu) came a correction and explanation... LCC = London County Council, there are several references to this in various shows. The LCC supported many activities in London (where else...), including evening classes (ref. this in Hancock show "The Lawyer", where Hancock qualified to be a lawyer on the basis of LCC evening classes in law). They built swimming pools (ref. in GS to LCC Men's Only bathing drawers - either the pools were restricted to men on some nights, or all the time, I dunno). ] A Russian Love Song ------------------- There were two Russian lovers Walking hand in hand on the banks of a river in a snow covered land. A boy and a girl with starlight in their eyes They kiss and caress as he tenderly sighs Oh! Oh! Oh! Comrades! All right comrade that's enough! We meet each night by the silvery light of that dear old fashioned Russian satellite moon It shines so bright -- turns Americans white at the sight of our dear old Russian sattelite moon And over here in England I saw it at my flat I ran into the cellar and I put on my old ARP hat Don't be silly! Tovarisch! Just dance with joy, while we are all still alive by the light of our glorious Russian sattelite moon Gentleman! Look up in the skies -- I can't believe my eyes! It's that dear old fashioned Russian sattelite moon! What, what, where? Hand me my gun -- we're going to have some fun Oh I missed that naught Russian sattelite moon I'll have to run you in there for a very legal reason Shooting at Russian moons when they are out of season Stand aside -- my reply to that is this rocket driven hat England's answer to that Russian sattelite moon The President. Gentleman the President of the har-har-har of the har-har-har There is a Russian sattelite moon of Arkansas, Mr President Thank heaven it is not over America Don't worry, we are prepared for this Mr Presley: let 'em have it! Now listen here! I'll make it clear just what we intend to do I'm gonna rock around that Russian sattelite moon I'm gonna rock around that Russian sattelite moon That's right, comrade Elvis Go on, shake your hips while we listen to the blips Of our glorious Russian sattelite moon. Bloodnok's Rock'n'Roll Call --------------------------- Company shun! Shoulder High!! (?) By the right, number! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight Nine, ten, eleven, tweleve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen Sixteen, fifteen, fourteen, thirteen, twelve, eleven, ten, nine Eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight Nine, ten, eleven, tweleve, thirteen, fourteen, You've got to rock and roll in a roll call way You've got to march with a Marilyn Monroe-ese way You've got to rock and roll with your old kit bag But you musn't ever mention her name in the mess And if you want to know the title of this number It is a Major Dennis Bloodnok Rock'n'Roll Call rhumba Left, left, left, right left Quick, slow, quick, quick, slow In, out, in, in, out Pick up your gun, shove a bullet up the spout It's the dance they do from Madras to Pango-Pango It is a Major Dennis Bloodnok Rock'n'Roll Call Tango Coy, dum diddle, blow de how Bombay didde bowl of char Um diddle Minnie: Stop! Stop! Stop that sinful naughty record-type music Stop it I say! Oh! Stop it you fool. Stop it! Bloodnok: Oh! Foddle me puckies and cril me topie (???) Why do my beady old eyes deceive me, or is it? No, no -- it can't be. But yes! It is! It's me old child hood sweetheart Spotty Minnie Bannister-- the darling of Roper's Light Horse Bless my soul, what are you doing here? Nothing catching I hope Minnie: I just came to put my bag full of money in the bank Bloodnok: Money! Money! Oh!!! Neddie, take Miss Bannister in a steaming love dance while I check her properties One, two, three, four Secombe: Gents to the left, ladies to the right. All join hands -- panic Bloodnok: Bravado, bravado. What a voice! (What a bank balance!) I beg you, you gorgeous wanton. Give me some small token of your love and I will sing you a known miltary melody. Music, maestro Plonk (Right mate) You've got to rock'n'roll in a monetary manner If you want to earn a necessary tanner Take your pick while the picking's good If you don't pick right, things will never get better When I hear the chink of money that is good news It drives away the Bloodnok Rock'n'Roll call blues So let there be, always some cash for me That will be mine, all mine! (Send only 2/6 for a copy of this record) I'm Walking Backwards For Christmas ----------------------------------- I'm walking backwards for Christmas, Across the Irish Sea, I'm walking backwards for Christmas, It's the only thing for me. I've tried walking sideways, And walking to the front, But people just look at me, And say it's a publicity stunt. I'm walking backwards for Christmas, To prove that I love you. An imigrantal lad, loved an Irish colleen From Dublin Galway Bay. He longed for her arms, But she spurned his charms, And sailed o'er the foam away She left the lad by himself, on his own All alone, a-sorrowing And sadly he dreamed, or at least that's the way it seemed, buddy, That an angel quieted him.... (??????) An angel quieted the same. I'm walking backwards for Christmas, Across the Irish Sea. I'm walking backwards for Christmas, It's the finest thing for me. And so I've tried walking sideways, And walking to the front. But people just laughed, and said, "It's a publicity stunt". So I'm walking backwards for Christmas To prove that I love you. Spike: Thank you -- and for an encore ... BlueBottle: 'Ere -- I didn't think much of that. I think my side was better Spike: Get that child OUT OF HERE! ================================================================= The Sewers of the Strand (1961) ------------------------ You can find this on... EMI Comedy Classics Spike Milligan: A Collection of Spikes (Songs and sketches from this Unique Comic Talent) (c) 1990, catalog # 7 95306 4 (for the tape) Available also on CD The Sewers of the Strand (1961) ------------------------ Phew! Yes folks, I can understand their feelings because they are about to play: Sideways through the sewers of the Strand on a Sunday afternoon Sideways through the sewers of the Strand will be our honeymoon Ankle deep folks in sludge dear we'll walk hand in hand They do say that the sewers of the Strand are the finest in the land Sideways through the sewers of the Strand will be paradise for two Who cares if the atmosphere is blue 'Cause there's nothing wrong with a good old British pong Sideways through the sewers of the Strand with you.... Ah my darling little bride. We meet by accident, folks -- she ran over me in a tram Her name was Beulah, mine was Jim. [ ^^^^^^--- a common name for a donkey - or at least that's the impression Brits get from watching old westerns.] I was glad they called me Jim, folks, because that was my name I found out that she had been going out with an Irish dentist called Phil McCavity He walked with a pronounced limp -- l-i-m-p pronounced limp, folks Oh the worry turned me grey. This gave me a strange appearance as I was bald at the time. Ah the first time I met her was late early one morning in Spring. There was a heavy dew on the grass -- he'd just be thrown out of a synagogue for eating during the sermon I told her 'Darling, let me take you away from the squalor you live in, and live in the squalor I live in' So, we were married in the Spring, folks We had the reception in the pond There was plenty to drink folks And then off we went! Folks! Sideways through those naughty sewers of the naughty Strand will be a paradise for two (not one but two, folks) Who cares if the atmosphere is blue (phew!) 'Cause there's nothing wrong (is there) with a good old British PONG! Sideways through the sewers of the Strand with you I don't mean maybe. 13. The programs ---------------- At long last, the list of programs. In fact, two list of programs --- one by date, one by title. This was taken from the excellent book ``The Goon Show Companion''. [If you read this line, then I have forgotten to include the file, once again.] INTRODUCTION The chaos which surrounds the fictional characters in 'The Goon Show' has had a tendency to spill over into real life and affect anyone associated with the shows. The history of the programme is confused and often contradictory. The BBC's files have been thoroughly complicated by last-minute changes of cast, changes of title, and other incidents; and people who were involved with the shows occasionally say things in interviews and articles which suggest that their memory is playing tricks on themQhardly surprising at this distance in time. It is with the hope of clearing up as much of this confusion as possible that this Goonography has been undertaken. Researching the details proved to be something of a Goon Show in itself, sorting through microfilmed files and scripts at the BBC, ploughing through the Radio Times, and, where possible, checking against recordings of the shows themselves. In research of this complexity there is always the chance that small details will go astray; the reader's indulgence is asked for any errors which may have crept in. An explanation of the BBC's programme filing system is perhaps necessary. When the original recordings were made, they were kept for transmission and subsequent repeats in 'Recorded Programmes Current Library', and were given identification numbers which have been quoted in the chronological index. These are the numbers beginning SLO, TLO, and so on. None of the original recordings still exists under these numbers. Some were transferred to 'Recorded Programmes Permanent Library' (better known as Sound Archives) under new numbers. Those preserved in this way are detailed in Appendix 3. It is a popular myth that the BBC keeps all its programmes. This would be impossible, as a building the area of Wl would be required to house them all. Sound Archives exists to preserve a representative sample of programs, and in fact 'The Goon Show' is fairly generously - 41 programs out of 241 ('ITMA' is represented by 44 out of 312, for example). However, 129 shows are preserved in the Transcription Services issues for use by overseas radio stations (and in fact the 1975 series of repeats was drawn entirely from Transcription Services' library). THe main part of this Goonography is a chronological index of all the shows, with their titles, transmission dates, cast changes and other relevant information. It is preceded by an alphabetical index both official and announced titles (where these are differ followed by appendices dealing with, among other th Transcription Services issues, the shows in Archives, and in Show appearances by the Goons. It would have been impossible for me to have compile information without the help I received. My colleagues Tim Smith and Peter Copeland acted as research assistants; Dennis Main Wilson, Peter Eton, John Browell, Bobby Jaye, Ron Belchier, David Allen, Brian Willey, George Martin and Norma Farnes kindly answered silly questions over the telephone. BBC Sound Archives, Script Registry (Radio and Television), Programme Index, Transcription Services and Written Archives Centre at Caversham, and many other departments, were most helpful in providing access to their files and in checking details, as was the British Film Institute. My thanks to all of them. R. F. Wilmut December, 1975 Below are two (yes, count'em two) lists of the Goon Show programs. The first is the chronological listing, giving transmission, recording dates, titles and notes. The second is an alphabetical listing of programs, also giving transmission dates. Also at the end is a list of major characters Sellers, Secombe and Milligan (plus Geldray and Ellington) played. Most of this was OCR'd out of the excellent book on the Goons: The Goon Show Companion by Roger Wilmot and so probably contains many small errors (but would be more accurate than if I typed it out by hand :)) CHRONOLOGICAL EPOSIDE GUIDE --------------------------- NOTES Notes to each series (except the first two, which do not require detailed notes) are on the page opposite each series listing. Announced titles which differ from the official title have been detailed, together with any other relevant information. NOTE I indicates throughout that the show is not announced by any coherent title (except, of course, as 'The Goon Show'); for the purposes of these notes, only announcements at or near the beginnings of the show are being considered, not those after the musical items. The 3rd series shows are not included in this, as the titles given do not usually apply to the first sketch, which often does not have a title in any case. Those 4th series shows which are episodic have been detailed in the notes; there is usually no very coherent title given to the first episode in these shows. 1st Series Billed as: 'CRAZY PEOPLE, featuring Radio's own Crazy Gang -- "The Goons" With Peter Sellers, Harry Secombe, Spike Milligan, Michael Bentine, The Ray Ellington Quartet, The Stargazers, Max Geldray, and (except where stated the BBC Dance Orchestra, conducted by Stanley Black. Announcer Andrew Timoty except nos. 8-10, announcer Denys Drower. Scripts written by Spike Milligan and Larry Stephens, edited by Jimmy Grafton. Produced by Dennis Main Wilson, except 11-14, produced by Leslie Bridgront. Nos. 1-9 broadcast on Mondays, nos. 10-17 on Thursdays. All pre-recorded the previous Sunday. The shows consist of four or five short sketches separated by musical items. 1 28-5-51 SLO 90268 2 4-6-51 SLO 90269 3 11-6-51 SLO 90452 4 18-6-51 SLO 90366 5 25-6-51 SOX 59949 6 2-7-51 SLO 91295 (with the BBC Revue Orch. cond. by Roben Busby) 7 9-7-51 SLO 91565 (with the BBC Revue Orch. cond. by Roben Busby) 8 16-7-51 SLO 92262 9 23-7-51 SLO 92468 10 2-8-51 SLO 92867 11 9-8-51 SOX 61088* 12 16-8-51 SLO 93368 13 23-8-51 SOX 61088* 14 30-8-51 SLO 93400 15 6-9-51 SBU 71149 16 13-9-51 SLO 94892 (with the BBC Revue Orch. cond. by Roben Busby) 17 20-9-51 SL095143 (without Geldray, with Marie Benson (vocalist) and the Skyrockets Orch. cond. by Woolf Phillips) SP 26-12-51 SLO 99928 CINDERELLA (pantomime) with Lizbeth Webb as Cinderella, Grahan Stark as Prince Charming: The Goons: The Starg; Ray Ellington Quartet: Max Geldray and the Augmented Dance Orchestra conducted by Stanley Black. Produced by Dennis Main Wilson. Recorded 16-12-51 * obviously these shows can't both have the same number, but it not has been possible to cross-check any further the informtion given in those offical files which still exist. 2nd Series Billed as 'THE GOON SHOW, featuring those crazy people . . .' Cast and musicians as for the previous series for the first six shows, after which the Stargazers left. Scripts by Spike Milligan and Larry Stephens, edited by Jimmy Grafton (who also wrote special lyrics for some shows). Produced by Dennis Main Wilson. Broadcast Tuesdays, pre-recorded the previous Sunday (except nos. 24 & 25). 1 22-1-52 SLO 1768 2 29-1-52 SLO 2147 3 5-2-52 SLO 2519 4 12-2-52 No transmission owing to the death of King George 4 19-2-52 SLO 3334 (BBC Dance Orch. cond. by Stanley Andrews) 5 26-2-52 SLO 3627 6 4-3-52 SLO 4021 7 11-3-52 SLO 4179 8 18-3-52 SLO 5112 The Goons' version of Rider Haggard's 'She' -- entitled 'Her'* 9 25-3-52 SLO 5277 10 1-4-52 SLO 5380 11 8-4-52 SLO 5684 (without Milligan) 12 15-4-52 SLO 6306 13 22-4-52 SLO 6737 14 29-4-52 SLO 6959 15 6-5-52 SBU 83555 16 13-5-52 SLO 7761 17 20-5-52 SLO 8202 18 27-5-52 SLO 8179 19 3-6-52 SLO 9302 (with the BBC Revue Orch. cond. by Robert Busby) 20 10-6-52 SLO 9307 (with the BBC Dance Orch. cond. by Wally Stott) 21 17-6-52 SLO 9638 (without Bentine) 22 24-6-52 SLO 9955 23 1-7-52 SLO 10474 24 8-7-52 SLO 11378 (recorded 29-6-52) 25 15-7-52 SLO 10808 (recorded 6-7-52) * this is the first in-series show to have a single plot right through the programme. 3rd Series From now on billed as 'THE GOON SHOW'. Basic cast - Sellers, Secombe, Milligan, with Geldray, Ellington and orchestra conducted by Wally Stott. Announcer Andrew Timothy. Bentine has now left. Produced by Peter Eton, except 18 & 19 produced by Charles Chilton. Scripts by Spike Milligan and Larry Stephens, edited by Jimmy Grafton. All except 7 broadcast Tuesdays: pre-recorded the previous Sunday (except 20-22). The shows have 3 parts; the title given is usually that of the middle episode. 1 11-11-52 SLO 17297 Fred of the Islands (2) 2 18-11-52 SOX 82948 The Egg of the Great Auk (3) 3 25-11-52 SLO 18332 I Was a Male Fan Dancer (2) 4 2-12-52 SL0 18613 The Saga of HMS Aldgate (2) 5 9-12-52 SLO 18848 The Expedition for Toothpaste (4) (without Milligan) 6 16-12-52 SLO 19414 The Archers (2) (without Milligan) 7 26-12-52 SLO 19526 Robin Hoods (5) (Christmas Pantomime -- 45 min without Milligan; with Dick Emery & Carole Carr) 8 30-12-52 SLO 19783 Where Does Santa Claus Go in the Summer? (6) (without Milligan, with Ellis Powell) 9 6-1-53 SLO 20338 The Navy, Army, and Air Force (2) (without Milligan with Dick Emery) 10 13-1-53 SLO 20695 The British Way of Life (2) (without Milligan, with Graham Stark) 11 20-1-53 SLO 20948 A Survey of Britain (2) (without Milligan, with Dick Emery) 12 27-1-53 SLO 21647 Flint of the Flying Squad (2) (without Milligan, with Graham Stark) 13 3-2-53 SOX 86757 Seaside Resorts in Winter (2) (without Milligan, with Dick Emery) 14 10- 2-53 SLO 22493 The Tragedy of Oxley Towers (3) (without Milligan with Graham Stark & Valentine Dyall) 15 17-2-53 SLO 22860 The Story of Civilization (2) (without Milligan, with Dick Emery) 16 24-2-53 SLO 22973 The Search for the Bearded Vulture (3) (without Milligan, with Graham Stark) 17 3-3-53 SLO 23540 The Mystery of the Monkey's Paw (8) (Milligan ret with Dick Emery) 18 10-3-53 SLO 24224 The Mystery of the Cow on the Hill (9) 19 17-3-53 SLO 24432 Where Do Socks Come From? (3) 24-3-53 No transmission owing to the death of Queen Mary 20 31-3-53 SLO 24764 The Man Who Never Was (10) (recorded 22-3-53) 21 7-4-53 SLO 25520 The Building of the Suez Canal (3) (recorded 29-3-53) 22 14-4-53 SLO 25873 The De Goonlies (3) (recorded 5-4-53) 23 21-4-53 SLO 26517 The Conquest of Space (2) 24 28-4-53 SLO 26797 The Ascent of Mount Everest (3) 25 5-5-53 SLO 27952 The Story of the Plymouth Hoe Armada (3) SP 3-6-53 SLO 29390 Coronation edition (11) (40 minutes; recorded 1-6-53; without Geldray; with Graham Stark) Notes to 3rd series The titles given (with one exception) are taken from the fronts of the scripts in BBC Script Library, where they have been pencilled in. In most cases the title is applicable to the middle section of the show (details are given below). As these shows are episodic any titling is bound to be somewhat arbitrary, but it should be emphasized that. from the point of view of the listener, this series would not be regarded as having titles. still being in the traditional variety format. 2. Title given is that of middle part of show. 3. Title given is that of parts 2 and 3 of show. 4. At this point Milligan went into hospital suffering from a nervous breakdown. This show and the next had already been written; after a few weeks Milligan resumed writing the shows in collaboration with Larry Stephens. The title given here is of the middle sketch, which later re-appeared in the 20th of the 4th series . 5. This show, which has a straight-through plot, is credited on the front of the script to 'Thomas Alcock & William Bull (from the original Alcock and Bull story)'. It was in fact mostly written by Jimmy Grafton (working for 36 hours continuouslyl), Milligan being in hospital and Larry Stephens unwell. The opening few pages were re-used in the 14th of the 5th series. 6. In the absence of an official title, the title of the final sketch has been adopted (the answer being that he stays in Greenland on account of Eskimo Nell). The middle sketch is a re-make, with a few additions, of 'The Archers' (middle part of no. 6 of this series). Ellis Powell, who makes a brief appearance, was the current Mrs. Dale of 'Mrs Dale's Diary'. 7. 'The Story of Civilization', which is the middle episode, is a re-make of part of the 6th of the Ist series. 8. The title given here is of the first sketch; the remainder of the show is 'The Search for Brigadier Winchmold'. 9. The title given here is that of the first sketch; the remainder of the show is 'The Siege of Khartoum', used again in no. 18 of the 4th series. 10. The title given is parts 2 and 3; this story appears again, in expanded form, as the 27th of the 6th series, and then again as the 21st of the 8th series. 11. This show, which sticks to one plot the whole way through, purports to present a recorded commentary on the Coronation procession. 4th Series Scripts 1-9 and 11-20 by Spike Milligan and Larry Stephens; no. 10 by Larry Stephens; remainder by Spike Milligan. Announcer Andrew Timothy (nos. 1-5); then Wallace Greenslade. Produced by Peter Eton, except no. 15 produced by Jacques Brown. Nos. 1-20 (except 13) broadcast on Fridays, nos. 21-30 on Mondays; all pre-recorded the previous Sunday. 1 2-10-53 TLO 35079 The Dreaded Piano Clubber (2) 2 9-10-53 TLO 35432 The Man Who Tried to Destroy London's Monuments (3) 3 16-10-53 TLO 35740 The Ghastly Experiments of Dr. Hans Eidelburger (4) 4 23-10-55 TLO 36235 The Building of Britain's First Atomic Cannon (5) 5 30-10-53 TLO 37145 The Gibraltar Storys (6) 6 6-11-53 TLO 37511 Through the Sound Barrier in an Airing Cupboard (1) 7 13-11-53 TLO 37898 The First Albert Memorial to the Moon 8 20-11-53 TLO 38482 The Missing Bureaucrat (7) 9 27-11-53 TLO 37891 Operation Bagpipes 10 4-12-53 TLO 39091 The Flying Saucer Mystery (8) 11 11-12-53 TLO 39790 The Spanish Armada (9) 12 18-12-53 TLO 40412 The British Way SP 25-12-53 TLO 40660 Short insert in 'Christmas Crackers' (which also contained contributions from other Variety shows) (recorded 20-12-53) 13 26-12-53 TLO 40660 The Giant Bombardon (with Michael Bentine) 14 1-1-54 TLO 40965 Ten Thousand Fathoms Down in a Wardrobe 15 8-1-54 TLO 41242 The Missing Prime Minister 16 15-1-54 TLO 41552 Dr.Jekyll and Mr. Crun (10) 17 22-1-54 TLO 42416 The Mummified Priest 18 29-1-54 TLO 42842 The History of Communications 19 5-2-54 TLO 48011 The Kippered Herring Gang 20 12-2-54 TLO 49072 The Toothpaste Expedition (12) 21 15-2-54 TLO 49191 The Case of the Vanishing Room 22 22-2-54 TLO 49628 The Great Ink Drought of 1902 (13) 23 1-3-54 TLO 50206 The Greatest Mountain in the World 24 8-3-54 TLO 50546 The Collapse of the British Railway Sandwich System 25 15-3-54 TLO 50871 The Silent Bugler (14) 26 22-3-54 TLO 51429 Western Story (15) 27 29-3-54 TLO 51769 The Saga of the Internal Mountain 28 5-4-54 TLO 52346 The Invisible Acrobats (16) (Ellington pre-recorded) 29 12-4-54 TLO 52583 The Great Bank of England Robbery (Ellington pre-recorded) 30 19-4-54 TLO 52599 The Siege of Fort Knight (Ellington pre-recorded) SP 11-6-54 TLO 55169 ARCHIE IN GOONLAND with Peter Brough and Archie Andrews, Peter Sellers, Spike Milligan, Harry Secombe, Hattie Jacques, and the BBC Variety Orchestra, conductor Paul Fenoulhet. Script by Eric Sykes and Spike Milligan. Produced by Roy Speer. Notes to the 4th Series With this series, the shows begin for the first time to take on the familiar dramatic format, although it is not until the second half of the series that the majority of the shows have a straight-through half-hour plot (apart from the musical items, of course). As yet the shows were not given titles at the time of writing, with the result that the situation has become rather confused. Spike Milligan has titled his own copies the scripts with abbreviated titles that are really more of a shorthand indication of the content. Someone has written in pencil on the fronts of the BBC Script Library copies titles which tend to be based on the opening announcements; however, as many the shows have a short opening sketch with the main part of the programme starting only after the first musical items, these titles tend to be misleading. The titles given in the list opposite are derived from both sources, with a tendency to use Milligan's titles where there is a choice between two reasonably acceptable alternatives. Only one show in this series has been preserved in BBC Sound Archives (no. 23); in this case the BBC title has been retained in preference to Milligan's. 1. Not coherently announced. 2. Three-episode show; the middle section is 'The Dreaded Piano Clubber'. 3. This story occupies the second and third episodes of the show. 4. The first part of the show is 'The Adventures of Fearless Harry Secombe', a 'serial' which appears at the start of several shows; the title given for the show is the subtitle of this first section. The remainder of the show is about the ascent of Mount Everest. 5. Announced as title. This is the first show in this series to have a single plot lasting through all three parts. 6. The title given applies to parts 2 and 3. 7. The first part of the show is 'The Further Adventures of Fearless Harry Secombe -- A Race to the Death'. 'The Missing Bureaucrat' is parts 2 and 3. 8. The first part of the show is again 'The Adventures of Fearless Harry Secombe' (the title given on the BBC Script Library copy); however, the main part of the show is about flying saucers, and as Spike Milligan's copy of the script is missing and therefore no title has been given for it. I have taken the liberty of inventing a title. 9. In the first part of the show 'Harry Proves he is Not a Dog'; parts 2 and 3 are the story of the Armada. 10. Announced as 'Crime Does Not Pay Income Tax'. 11. Part one of the script is 'The History of Communications', originally part of the 7th of the Ist series and later re-worked into 'The GPO Show'. Parts 2 and 3 are 'The Siege of Khartoum', originally part of the 18th of the 3rd series. 12. The first part of the script was originally used in the 2nd of the 2nd series; 'The Toothpaste Expedition' was originally used in the 5th of the 3rd series. 13. Announced as 'Hansard Unexpurgated'. 14. The nearest to an announcement is 'take the case of Agent X2 . . .'. 15. Announced as 'Brainl' (inspired by the film, "Shane"). 16. Announced as 'Bulletto'. Fourteen of these scripts were re-worked for the 'Vintage Goons' series recorded in 1957/8 for Transcription Services. SP 31-8-54 TNC 408 THE STARLINGS Peter Sellers, Harry Secombe, Spike Milligan and Andrew Timothy. Written by Spike Milligan Without musicians or audience. Produced by Peter Eton. Recorded 11/12-8-54 5th Series From now on the announcer is Wallace Greenslade. Scripts for shows 1-6 by Spike Milligan, remainder by Milligan and Eric Sykes. Produced by Peter Eton. Broadcast Tuesdays, pre-recorded the previous Sunday, except nos. 14 and 20. 1 28-9-54 TLO 62960 The Whistling Spy Enigma 2 5-10-54 TLO 63962 The Lost Gold Mine (of Charlotte) (2) 3 12-10-54 TLO 64018 The Dreaded Batter-Pudding Hurler (of Bexhill-on Sea) (3) 4 19-10-54 TLO 64443 The Phantom Head Shaver (of Brighton) 5 26-10-54 TLO 64692 The Affair of the Lone Banana 6 2-11-54 TLO 65467 The Canal (with Valentine Dyall) 7 9-11-54 TLO 65972 Lurgi Strikes Britain (1) (TS: Lurgi Strikes Again) 8 16-11-54 TLO 67106 The Mystery of the Marie Celeste (Solved) 9 23-11-54 TLO 67320 The Last Tram (from Clapham) 10 30-11-54 TLO 67468 The Booted Gorilla (found?) 11 7-12-54 TLO 68322 The Spanish Suitcase (1) 12 14-12-54 TLO 68149 Dishonoured, or The Fall of Neddie Seagoon 13 21-12-54 TLO 69220 Forog 14 28-12-54 TLO 69221 Ye Bandit of Sherwood Forest (recorded 19-12-54: with Charlotte Mitchell) 15 4-1-55 TLO 70044 Nineteen-Eighty-Five (5) (orch. cond. by Bruce Campbell) 16 11-1-55 TLO 70045 The Case of the Missing Heir (1) 17 18-1-55 TLO 70610 China Story 18 25-1-55 TLO 72116 Under Two Floorboards -- A Story of the Legion (1) 19 1-2-55 TLO 71797 The Missing Scroll (4) 20 8-2-55 TLO 71798 Nineteen-Eighty-Five (5) (recorded 30-1-55: with John Snagge --pre-rec. ) 21 15-2-55 TLO 72450 The Sinking of Westminster Pier (6) 22 22-2-55 TLO 72538 The Fireball of Milton Street (7) 23 1-3-55 TLO 73044 The Six Ingots of Leadenhall Street (8) 24 8-3-55 TLO 73495 Yehti 25 15-3-55 TLO 74145 The White Box of Great Bardfield (1) 26 22-3-55 TLO 74489 The End (9) (TS:Dreissue only: Confessions of a Secret Senna-pod Drinker) Notes to 5th series With the beginning of this series, the first to be taken by the BBC Transcription Services, the shows become the familiar and well-remembered full-length stories, featuring by now most of the best-known characters. This is the only series honoured byu Radio Times with a synopsis and cast list for most shows (although these get progressively more divorced from reality as the series wears on). 1. Not coherently announced. 2. Announced as 'Death in the Desert'. 3. Announced as 'The Terror of Bexhill-on-Sea'. 4. Announced as 'The Lost Music of Purdom'. 5. Inspired by Nigel Kneale's television adaptation of Orwell's 1984. The show was a success that the script was repeated by popular demand: the second appearance is not a recorded repeat but a new performance of the script, which was was re-typed, incorporating all but one of the timing cuts made for the version. In the second show Snagge (pre-recorded) reads the telescreen ouncement near the beginning: in the original this is read by Sellers. 6. Billed in Radio Times (and Programme Index) as 'The Six Ingots of Leadenhall Street'; the script was changed at short notice to a story inspired by the appearance of a photograph of the floating pier at Westminster under several feet of water with an 'Out of Order' notice being pinned to it. Greenslade tries to announce the show as 'The Six Ingots of Leadenhall Street' (insisting that the Radio Times is never wrong): finally Sellers announces it as 'The Port of London Authority's valuable hand-carved, oil-painted, valuable floating pier'. 7. Milton Street' is the name of a village in Sussex. 8. The title situation for this show can best be described as confusing. The front of script, Radio Times, Programme Index and the 'Programme as Broadcast' files give the title as 'The Terrible Blasting of Moreton's Bank'. However, the the show is in fact 'The Six Ingots of Leadenhall Street', the script postponed from 2-55 (see note 6), is announced as such, and titled as such by TS. Strictly speaking, the title opposite ought to match the official files; but since the 'Six Ingots' title makes more sense, and in fact would have been the official title of script had not the last-minute change of plan happened, I have decided to adopt it. 9. Announced as 'The Confessions of a Secret Senna-pod Drinker'. 6th Series Scripts by Spike Milligan (SM) except where indicated; ES=Eric Sykes, LS=Larry Stephens. Produced by Peter Eton (nos. 1-21) and Pat Dixon (nos. 22-27). Broadcast Tuesdays, pre-recorded the previous Sunday (except nos. 10 & 15). 1 20-9-55 TLO 86722 The Man Who Won the War (2) (SM & ES) (TS: Seagoon MCC) 2 27-9-55 TLO 87028 The Secret Escritoire (SM & ES) 3 4-10-55 TLO 87493 The Lost Emperor (1) 4 11-10-55 TLO 88253 Napoleon's Piano(3) 5 18-10-55 TLO 88477 The Case of the Missing CD Plates (4) 6 25-10-55 TLO 88977 Rommel's Treasure (5) 7 1-11-55 TLO 89727 Foiled by President Fred (6) 8 8-11-55 TLO 90136 Shangri-La Again (7) 9 15-11-55 TBU 52103 The International Christmas Pudding (8) 22-11-55 (No. 10 postponed to 3-4-56,9 replaced by repeat of 'China Story', first broadcast 18-1-55) 11 29-11-55 TLO 91637 The Sale of Manhattan (10) (TS: The Lost Colony) 12 6-12-55 TLO 92346 The Terrible Revenge of Fred Fu-Manchu(11) SP 8-12-55 TLO 92849 The Missing Christmas Parcel -- Post Early for Christmas (ES) (15 minutes -- broadcast in Children's Hour; recorded 27-11-55: without musicians). Devised and produced by Peter Eton and John Lane 13 13-12-55 TLO 93483 The Lost Year 14 20-12-55 TLO 93839 The Greenslade Story (with John Snagge) 15 27-12-55 TLO 93838 The Hastings FlyerDRobbed (12) (recorded 18-12-55) 16 3-1-56 TLO 94673 The Mighty Wurlitzer 17 10-1-56 TLO 94832 The Raid of the International Christmas Pudding (1) 18 17-1-56 TLO 95608 Tales of Montmartre (SM & ES) (with Charlotte Mitchell) 19 24-1-56 TLO 95990 The Jet-Propelled Guided NAAFI (1) 20 31-1-56 TLO 96271 The House of Teeth (1) (with Valentine Dyall) 21 7-2-56 TLO 97228 Tales of Old Dartmoor (orch. cond. by Bruce Campbell) 22 14-2-56 TLO 97297 The Choking Horror (orch. cond. by Bruce Campbell) 23 21-2-56 TLO 98295 The Great Tuscan Salami Scandal (13) (without musicians, with John Snagge Dpre -rec.) 24 28-2-56 TLO 98661 The Treasure in the Lake (14) (orch. cond. Bruce Campbell) SP 1-3-56 TLO 98662 The Goons Hit Wales (5 1/2 minute insert in St. David's Day programme, recorded 26-2-56) 25 6-3-56 TLO 98778 The Fear of Wages (15) (SM & LS) 26 13-3-56 TLO 98950 Scradje (SM & LS) (with John SnaggeDpre-rec.) 27 20-3-56 TLO 99481 The Man Who Never Was (l6) (SM & LS) l0 3-4-56 TLO 90647 The Pevensey Bay Disaster (9) (recorded 20-11-55) SP 29-8-56 TLO 11466 China Story (SM & ES) (17) (recorded 24-8-56 at the National Radio Show. Produced by Dennis Main Wilson) Notes to 6th series 1. Not coherently announced. 2. Announced as 'Seagoon MCC' (because he was a batman . . . ). 3. The script and the Programme Index entry are wrongly titled 'The Sale of Manhattan'. 4. Announced as 'A Strange Case of Diplomatic Immunity'. 5. Announced as 'The Search for Rommel's Treasure'. 6. Announced as 'In Honour Bound'. 7. Announced as 'Lost Horizon'. 8. Announced as 'The Great International Christmas Pudding'. 9. On the day the show was recorded there was a serious train crash at Didcot in which 10 people were killed and 116 injured. In view of the fact that the show contains a train crash, the broadcast was cancelled and replaced with a repeat of 'China Story' from the previous series. (See 'The Hastings Flyer -- Robbed' (12)), 10. Announced as 'The Lost Colony'. 11. Announced as 'Fred Fu-Manchu and his Bamboo Saxophone'. 12. This script is identical to that for 'The Pevensey Bay Disaster' (see note 9), incorporating the timing cuts made for that occasion; only the announcements are changed, to 'The Hastings Flyer'. The earlier version of the show is the one issued by TS, as they recorded directly by line from the studio, so that to them 'The Hastings Flyer' was a repeat. 'The Pevensey Bay Disaster' was eventually broadcast two weeks after the end of the series, so that to the British listeners 'The Hastings Flyer' is the original version. 13. There was a musicians' strike on at the time. In common with other Variety shows, the cast made do without music. This show and the next also include Milligan's famous ballad 'I'm Walking Backwards for Christmas'. The programme is not coherently announced. 14. Announced as 'The Treasure of Loch Lomond'. 15. Inspired by the film 'The Wages of Fear'. 16. This is an expanded version of the script which formed parts 2 & 3 of the 20th of the 3rd series. It appears again in the 8th series. 17. This is a new production of no. 17 of the 5th series -- the script is almost identical. 7th Series Scripts by Milligan and Larry Stephens, except nos. 2 and 23, by Milligan only. Produced by Pat Dixon, except nos. 1 and 2 produced by Peter Eton. Broadcast Thursdays, except nos. 10 and 13 broadcast Wednesdays. Pre-recorded the previous Sunday (except nos. 6, 14, 15 and 16). 1 4-10-56 TLO 12681 The Nasty Affair at the Burami Oasis(1) 2 11-10-56 TLO 11799 Drums Along the Mersey (with Valentine Dyall) 3 18-10-56 TLO 14585 The Nadger Plague (2) 4 25-10-56 TLO 14586 The MacReekie Rising of '74 (without Milligan, with George Chisholm) 5 1-11-56 TLO 15209 The Spectre of Tintagel (with Valentine Dyall) 8-11-56 (no. 6 postponed to 14-2-573; replaced by repeat of 'The Greenslade Story', first broadcast 20-12-55) 7 15-11-56 TLO 15801 The Great Bank Robbery 8 22-11-56 TLO 16600 Personal Narrative (4) 9 29-11-56 TLO 16989 The Mystery of the Fake Neddie Seagoons (5) (TS: The Case of the Fake Neddie Seagoons) SP for TS only TLO 17360 Robin Hood (6) (with Valentine Dyall and Dennis Price) (recorded 2-12-56; not broadcast in Britain) 10 5-12-56 TLO 17361 What's My Line? 11 13-12-56 TLO 17963 The Telephone 12 20-12-56 TLO 18731 The Flea SP 24-12-56 TLO 17962 Operation Christmas Duff (7) GOS only (special overseas edition recorded 9-12-56) 13 26-12-56 TLO 19238 Six Charlies in Search of an Author 14 3-1-57 TLO 19237 Emperor of the Universe (rec. 23-12-56) 15 10-1-57 TLO 20041 Wings Over Dagenham (rec. 30-12-56) (with George Chisholm) 16 17-1-57 TLO 20042 The Rent Collectors (rec. 30-12-56) (with Bernard Miles) 17 24-1-57 TLO 21509 Shifting Sands (1) (with Jack Train) 18 31-1-57 TLO 21793 The Moon Show 19 7-2-57 TLO 23090 The Mysterious Punch-up-the-Conker (1) 16 14-2-57 TLO 14930 The Sleeping Prince (3) (recorded 4-11-56) 20 21-2-57 TLO 22507 Round the World in Eighty Days 21 28-2-57 TLO 23565 Insurance, the White Man's Burden 22 7-3-57 TLO 24413 The Africa Ship Canal (9) 23 14-3-57 TLO 24461 Ill Met by Goonlight 24 21-3-57 TLO 24999 The Missing Boa Constrictor (1) 25 28-3-57 TLO 26030 The Histories of Pliny the Elder Notes to 7th series 1. Not coherently announced. 2. Announced as 'The Great Nadger Plague'. 3. This show, which parodies a Latin-American type revolution, was postpone owing to the international situation at the time (among other things, the Hungarian uprising was taking place). 4. Announced as 'The Personal Narrative of Captain Neddie Seagoon, R.N.'. 5. Announced as 'The Great Art Mystery, or The Case of the Fake Neddie Seagoon'. 6. Announced as 'Robin Hood and his Mirry Mon'. This show, which was recorded specially for TS and not broadcast in this country (although it has been issued on Parlophone PMC 7132) is partially based on the script originally broadcast 28-12-54 as 'Ye Bandit of Sherwood Forest' (14th of 5th serles). 7. The BBC General Overseas Service was at this time broadcasting entirely on short waves, so that this show could only have been heard in this country -- and then not very satisfactorily -- by listeners equipped with short-wave receivers. The show was aimed largely at the British Armed Forces overseas. 8. As Colonel Chinstrap (from 'ITMA'). It is interesting that the character, although from a different show a decade earlier, fits into the Goon Show framework with no sense of strain. 9 Announced as 'The Great Trans-Africa Canal'. SP 22-8-57 TLO 35307 THE REASON WHY Peter Sellers, Harry Secombe, Spike Milligan, and Valentine Dyall. Announcer Wallace Greenslade. Music pre-recorded: no audience. Produced by Jacques Brown. Record 11-8-57 8th Series Scripts by Spike Milligan (SM), Larry Stephens (LS), John Antrobus (JA), and Maurice Wiltshire (MW), as indicated. Produced by Charles Chilton (nos. 1-5 & 17-26), Roy Speer (nos. 6-14), and Tom Ronald (nos. 15 & 16). Broadcast Mondays, pre-recorded the previous Sunday (except no. 18). 1 30-9-57 TLO 38857 Spon (SM) (without Secombe, with Dick Emery) 2 7-10-57 TLO 39090 * The Junk Affair (1) (SM & LS) 3 14-10-57 TLO 39928 The Burning Embassy (1) (SM & LS) 4 21-10-57 TLO 40052 * The Great Regent's Park Swim (SM & LS) 5 28-10-57 TLO 40562 The Treasure in the Tower (1) (SM & LS) 6 4-11-57 TLO 41101 * The Space Age (SM & LS) 7 11-11-57 TLO 41712 The Red Fort (2) (SM & LS) 8 18-11-57 TLO 41935 * The Missing Battleship (1) (SM & LS) (without Geldray) 9 25-11-57 TLO 42750 The Policy (SM & LS) 10 2-12-57 TLO 42899 * King Solomon's Mines (SM & LS) 11 9-12-57 TLO 43427 The Stolen Postman (LS) 12 16-12-57 TLO 44167 * The Great British Revolution (SM & LS) 13 23-12-57 TLO 44618 The Plasticine Man (SM & LS) (without Ellington) 14 30-12-57 TLO 45270 * African Incident (1) (SM & LS) (with Cecile Chevreau) 15 6-1-58 TLO 45929 The Thing on the Mountain (LS & MW) 16 13-1-58 TLO 46344 * The String Robberies (3) (SM) (with George Chisholm) 17 20-1-58 TLO 47306 The Moriarty Murder Mystery (LS & MW) 18 27-1-58 TLO 47557 The Curse of Frankenstein (SM) (rec. 19-1-58) (without Ellington, with George Chisholm) 19 3-2-58 TLO 47740 The White Neddie Trade (LS & MW) 20 10-2-58 TLO 48542 Ten Snowballs that Shook the World (SM) 21 17-2-58 TLO 49421 * The Man Who Never Was (SM & LS) 22 24-2-58 TLO 49663 * World War One (6) (SM) (TS: '_____!') 23 3-3-58 TLO 50040 * The Spon Plaue (7) (SM & JA) (with George Chisholm) 24 10-3-58 TLO 51225 * Tiddleywinks (SM) (with John Snagge) 25 17-3-58 TLO 50769 * The Evils of Bushey Spon (8) (SM) (with A. E. Matthews) 26 24-3-58 TLO 51440 * The Great Statue Debate (1) (SM & JA) * a special TS series of Vintage Goons' (based on scripts from the 4th series) was recorded on the same dates as the shows marked (see page 130 [next one!]). Notes to 8th series 1. Not coherently announced. 2. Announced as 'A Tale of India'. 3. Announced as 'The Great String Robberies'. 4. Announced as 'The Curse of Frankenstein -- BLAST!' and then continues as a story entitled 'My Heart's in the Highlands'. 5. This script is a re-working of no. 27 of the 6th series, itself an expanded version of part of no. 20 of the 3rd series. It is the 6th series version which has been issued by Transcription Services. 6. The script is titled '_____!', as are the TS issues: the announced title is written as '_______!' and pronounced as a faint murmurDMilligan's interpretation of illegible writing on a faded manuscript. 7. Announced as 'The Great Spon Plague'. 8. Inspired by a real-life row A. E. Matthews was having with his local council about a concrete lamp-post they wanted to put outside his house. (There is also a reference to this in the previous show). Mr Matthews appears only in the last five minutes of the show, which are ad-libbed by all concerned owing to Mr Matthews's utter refusal to stick to the plot. 'Vintage Goons' A series recorded specially for TS. Scripts by Spike Milligan. Produced by Charles Chilton (nos. 1, 2, & 9-14), Roy Speer (nos. 3-7), and Tom Ronald (no. 8) Recorded Sundays together with 8th series shows. recorded TS tape no. 1 6-10-57 Tl/AG/2966 *The Mummified Priest 2 20-10-57 T7/AG/3654 *The Greatest Mountain in the World 3 3-11-57 Tl/AG/3054 The Missing Ten Downing Street (2) 4 17-11-57 T5/AG/4309 *The Giant Bombardon (with Valentine Dyall) 5 1-12-57 T5/AG/4341 The Kippered Herring Gang 6 15-12-57 T5/AG/4382 *The Vanishing Room 7 29-12-57 T5/AG/4417 The Ink Shortage (3) 8 12-1-58 Tl/AG/3875 The Mustard and Cress Shortage (4) 9 16-2-58 Tl/AG/3965 The Internal Mountain 10 23-2-58 T5/AG/4597 The Silent Buglers (5) 11 2-3-58 T2/AG/4043 *The Great Bank of England Robbery (6) 12 9-3-58 Tl/AG/4025 The Dreaded Piano Clubber 13 16-3-58 T5/AG/4661 The Siege of Fort Night 14 23-3-58 T2/AG/4060 *The Albert Memorial (7) * Six of these shows were broadcast on Mondays immediately prior to the 9th series: broadcast BH tape no. 1 22-9-58 TLO 65468 The Mummified Priest 2 29-9-58 TLO 65469 The Greatest Mountain in the World 4 6-10-58 TLO 65470 The Giant Bombardon 6 13-10-58 TLO 65471 The Vanishing Room 11 20-10-58 TLO 65472 The Great Bank of England Robbery 14 27-10-58 TLO 65473 The Albert Memorial Notes to 'Vintage Coons' All scripts in this series are based on scripts from the 4th series, often with a certain amount of re-writing. When six of these shows were broadcast in the Home Service immediately prior to the 9th series, Radio Times contrived, in a badly-worded write-up, to give the impression that they were recorded repeats of 4th series shows. To add to the confusion, the repeat series broadcast in 1964 and 1970 were billed as 'Vintage Goons', although none of the shows concerned came from the original 'Vintage Goons' series, some of which have still never been broadcast in this country. 2. Based on 4/15 and announced as 'The Missing Prime Minister of 1953'. 3. Based on 4/22 and announced as 'Hansard Unexpurgated'. 4. Based on 4/24 and announced as 'The Collapse of the British Railway Sandwich System'. 5. Based on 4/25; the nearest to an announcement is 'take the Case of Agent X2' 6. Announced first as 'Open Casebook' and later by the official title. 7. Announced as 'The First Albert Memorial to the Moon'. 9th Series Scripts by Spike Milligan (except no. 7). Produced byJohn Browell. Broadcast Mondays, except no. 12 broadcast Tuesday; pre-recorded previous Sunday. 1 3-11-58 TLO 68887 The Sahara Desert Statue (1) 2 10-11-58 TLO 68950 I Was Monty's Treble 3 17-11-58 TLO 69769 The 1,000,000 Pound Penny (2) 4 24-11-58 TLO 70536 The Pam's Paper Insurance Policy (1) 5 1-12-58 TLO 71336 The Mountain Eaters 6 8-12-58 TLO 71467 The Childe Harolde Rewarde (1) 7 15-12-58 TLO 72138 The Seagoon Memoirs (1) (script by Larry Stephens and Maurice Wiltshire) 8 22-12-58 TLO 72851 Queen Anne's Rain (1) 9 29-12-58 TLO 73413 The Battle of Spion Kop (1) 10 5-1-59 TLO 74315 Ned's Atomic Dustbin (1) (with John Snagge -- pre-rec.) 11 12-1-59 TLO 75177 Who Is Pink Oboe (3) (without Sellers; with Kenneth Connor, Valentine Dyall, Graham Stark, Jack Train and John Snagge, (who was pre-rec.)) 12 20-1-59 TLO 76074 The Call of the West 13 26-1-59 TLO 76177 Dishonoured -- Again (5) 14 2-2-59 TLO 76513 The Scarlet Capsule (6) (with Andrew Timothy -- pre-rec.) 15 9-2-59 TLO 77465 The Tay Bridge (1) (with George Chisholm) 16 16-2-59 TLO 77725 The Gold Plate Robbery (7) 17 23-2-59 TLO 78107 The 50 pound Cure (1) (without Secombe, with Kenneth Connor) Notes to 9th series 1. Not coherently announced. 2. Announced as 'The Story of a Crime-Type Murder'. After the first musical break it becomes 'Ned the Miser' -- it is this part which is the story of the 1,000,000 Pound Penny. TS's publicity for their re-issue of this as 'Pick of the Goons' No. 81 wrongly describes it as 'The 1,000 Pound Penny'. Inflation? 3. Announced as 'The Spy, or. . .'. Sellers developed throat trouble shortly before the recording and the other four actors were brought in by John Browell at very short notice. They take the various parts written for Sellers, with minimal re-writing: Dyall replaces Grytpype-Thynne, Connor replaces Willium and a few others, Stark replaces Henry Crun (the Min and Henry episode becomes an Irish couple who are not as successful as the other replacements) and Train, as Colonel Chinstrap, replaces Major Bloodnok. 4. Announced as 'Captain Stingo, or Goon Law, or Anythinggggggg (Hern)'. 5. Announced as 'I Knew Terence Nuke' ('From the book, I Knew Terence Nuke, by Eileen Beardsmore-Lewisham, tiddley-doo spot, we present the play, "I Knew Terence Nuke", from the 'oook by Eileen Beardsmore-Lewisham'). This show is a new production of the script first broadcast as 'Dishonoured, or The Fall of Neddie Seagoon', 12th of 5th series; there are only slight variations in the text. It is this later version which has been issued on Parlophone PMC 1108, despite their title of 'Dishonoured'. 6. Announced as 'Quatermass O.B.E.'. This show is a parody of the highly successful BBC-TV serial 'Quatermass and the Pit'. Andrew Timothy, who is pre-recorded, reads announcements at the beginning and end of the show that were originally intended to be read by John Snagge. 7. Announced (eventually) as 'The Kleens of Blenchinehall, the story of an ordinary English comedy half-hour'. 10th Series Scripts by Spike Milligan. Produced byJohn Browell. Broadcast Thursdays, pre-recorded the previous Sunday. 1 24-12-59 TLO 3710 A Christmas Carol (2) 2 31-12-59 TLO 4230 The Tale of Men's Shirts (3) 3 7-1-60 TLO 5015 The Chinese Legs (1) (with John Snagge -- pre-rec.) 4 14-1-60 TLO 5454 Robin's Post (4) 5 21-1-60 TLO 6251 The Silver Dubloons (1) (with Valentine Dyall) 6 28-1-60 TLO 6786 The Last Smoking Seagoon (5) (with John Snagge -- pre-rec.) Notes to 10th series 1. Not coherently announced. 2. Announced as 'A Merrv Christmas and Custard'. 3. Announced as 'Tales of Men's Shirts (a story of down under)'. 4. Announced as 'The Story of Lord Seagoon, Playboy of the Western Approaches'. 5. Announced as 'The Last of the Smoking Sea,soons'. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ALPHABETICAL INDEX ------------------ Official titles are indexed to series and number, or date if out-of-series. Transcription Services (TS) and announced titles which differ from the official title are referred to that title. In the case of announced titles. only the announcement at the beginning of the show is considered, not that after the musical items (unless the show is episodic). Third series shows are indexed by their official title only. Some announced titles merely add 'Great' to the official title (e.g., 'The Great Spon Plague') D this has been ignored for the purposes of this index; if a title cannot be found, try removing 'Great' from it (or, in some cases, adding it: 'The Tuscan Salami Scandal' is correctly 'The Great Tuscan Salami Scandal'). * indicates announced title differing from official one. ** indicates TS title differing from official one. + indicates announcement for part of a show (other than 3rd series). V = 'Vintage Goons' (after 8th series in main list). Transcription Services issues Series/number (originals in Title or date brackets) '________!'l' * ** see World War One Adventures of Fearless Harry Secombe, The + regular spot in first five minutes of 4/3, 8, 10 and some 3rd series Affair of the Lone Banana, The 5/5 (4) 2 Africa Ship Canal, The 7/22 (45) 43 African Incident 8/14 (59) Albert Memorial, The V/14 (V/14) 8 Archers, The 3/6 Archie in Goonland 11-6-54 Ascent of Mount Everest, The 3/24 Bandit of Sherwood Forest, Ye 5/14 (87) Battle of Spion Kop, The 9/9 Booted Gorilla, The 5/10 (91) Brain* see Western Story British Way, The 4/12 British Wayof Life, The 3/10 Building of Britain's First Atomic Cannon, The 4/4 Building of the Suez Canal, The 3/21 Bulletto* see The Invisible Acrobat Burning Embassy, The 8/3 (62) 49 Call of the West, The 9/12 (75) 25 Canal, The 5/6 (5) 28 Captain Singo, or Goon Law or Anythingggggg (Hern) * see The Call of the West Case of Agent X2, The* see The Silent Bugler Case of the Fake Neddie Seagoons, The* ** see The Mystery of the Fake Neddie Seagoons Case of the Missing CD Plates, The 6/5 (23) 63 Case of the Missing Heir, The 5/16 (8) 30 Case of the Vanishing Room, The 4/21 Childe of Harolde Rewarde, The 9/6 (74) 82 China Story 5/17 (9) China Story (Radio Show version) 29-8-56 Chinese Legs, The 10/3 (82) Choking Horror, The 6/22 (26) 37 Christmas Carol, A 10/1 (86) 58 Christmas Crackers (contribution) 25-12-53 Cinderella 26-12-51 Collapse of the British Railway Sandwich System,The 4/24 Collapse of the British Railway Sandwich System The* see The Mustard and Cress Shortage Confessions of a Secret Senna-pod Drinker* ** see The End Conquest of Space, The 5/23 Coronation Edition 3-6-53 Crime Does Not Pay* see The Kippered Herring Gang Crime Does Not Pay Income Tax see r. Jekyll and Mr. Crun Curse of Frankenstein, The 8/18 (64) 51 De Goonlies, The 3/22 Death in the Desert* see The Lost Gold Mine (of Charlotte) Dishonoured -- Again 9/13 (78) Dishonoured, or The Fall of Neddie Seagoon 5/12 (7) Dr Jekyll and Mr. Crun 4/16 The Dreaded Batter-Pudding Hurler (of Bexhill-on-Sea), The 5/3 (88) Dreaded Piano Clubber, The 4/1 Dreaded Piano Clubber, The V/12 (V/12) Drums Along the Mersey, The 7/2 (31) 71 Egg of the Great Auk, The 3/2 Emperor of the Universe 7/14 (104) End, The 5/26 (13) 33 Evils of Bushey Spon, The 8/25 Expedition for Toothpaste, The 3/5 Fear of Wages, The 6/25 69 50 Pound Cure, The 9/17 (80) Fireball of Milton Street, The 5/22 (94) First Albert Memorial to the Moon, The 4/7 First Albert Memorial to the Moon, The* see The Albert Memorial Flea, The 7/12 (36) 15 Flint of the Flying Squad 3/12 Flying Saucer Mystery, The 4/10 Foiled by President Fred 6/7 72 Forog 5/13 (93) Fred Fu-Manchu and his Bamboo Saxophone* see The Terrible Revenge of Fred Fu-Manchu Fred of the Islands 3/1 Ghastly Experiments of Dr. Hans Eidelburger, The 4/3 Giant Bombardon, The 4/13 Giant Bombardon, The V/4 (V/4) 74 Gibraltar Story, The 4/5 Gold Plate Robbery, The 9/16 (79) 26 Goons Hit Wales, The 1-3-56 Great Art Mystery, The* see The Mystery of the Fake Neddie Seagoons Great Bank of England Robbery, The 4/29 Great Bank of England Robbery, The V/11 (V/11) 12 Great Bank Robbery, The 7/7 (101) Great British Revolution, The 8/12 (57) 48 Great Ink Drought of 1902, The 4/22 Great Regent's Park Swim, The 8/4 (50) 21 Great Statue Debate, The 8/26 (107) Great Trans-Africa Canal, The* see The Africa Ship Canal Great Tuscan Salami Scandal, The 6/23 (28) 68 Greatest Mountain in the World, The 4/23 Greatest Mountain in the World, The V/2 (V/2) 9 Greenslade Story, The 6/14 66 Hansard Unexpurgated* see The Ink Shortage and The Great Ink Drought of 1902 Harry Proves he is not a Dog+ see The Spanish Armada Hastings FlyerDRobbed, The 6/15 Her 2/8 Histories of Pliny the Elder, The 7/25 (105) History of Communications, The 4/18 House of Teeth, The 6/20 (24) 67 I Knew Terence Nuke* see DishonouredDAgain I Was a Male Fan Dancer 3/3 I Was Monty's Treble 9/2 (67) 54 Ill Met By Goonlight 7/23 (46) 20 In Honour Bound* see Foiled by President Fred Ink Shortage, The V/7 (V/7) Insurance, the White Man's Burden 7/21 (44) 19 Internal Mountain, The V/9 (V/9) 11 International Christmas Pudding, The 6/9 (17) 65 Invisible Acrobat, The 4/28 Jet-Propelled Guided NAAFI, The 6/19 (99) Junk Affair, The 8/2 (49) King Solomon's Mines 8/10 (55) 75 Kippered Herring Gang, The 4/19 Kippered Herring Gang, The V/5 (V/5) Kleens of Blenchinghall, The* see The Gold Plate Robbery Last of the Smoking Seagoons, The* see The Last Smoking Seagoon Last Smoking Seagoon, The 10/6 (85) 57 Last Tram (from Clapham), The 5/9 (90) Lost Colony, The* ** see The Sale of Manhattan Lost Emperor, The 6/3 62 Lost Gold Mine (of Charlotte), The 5/2 (2) 27 Lost Horizon* see Shangri-La Again Lost Music of Purdom, The* see The Missing Scroll Lost Year, The 6/13 (20) Lurgi Strikes Again** see Lurgi Strikes Britain Lurgi Strikes Britain 5/7 (89) MacReekie Rising of '74, The 7/4 (32) Man Who Never Was, The 3/20 Man Who Never Was, The 6/27 (30) 13 Man Who Never Was, The 8/21 Man Who Tried To Destroy London's Monuments, The 4/2 Man Who Won the War, The 6/1 (97) Merry Christmas and Custard, A* see A Christmas Carol Mighty Wurlitzer, The 6/16 (21) l,000,000 Pound Penny, The 9/3 (68) 81 Missing Battleship, The 8/8 (53) Missing Boa Constrictor, The 7/24 (47) 44 Missing Bureaucrat, The 4/8 Missing Chrstmas Parcel, The 8-12-55 Missing Prime Minister, The 4/15 Missing Prime Minister of 1953, The* see The Missing Ten Downing Street Missing Scroll, The 5/19 (11) 31 Missing Ten Downing Street, The V/3 (V/3) Moon Show, The 7/18 (40) 16 Moriarty Murder Mystery, The 8/17 (61) 77 Mountain Eaters, The 9/5 (70) 23 Mummified Priest, The 4/17 Mummified Priest, The V/1 (V/1) 4 Mustard and Cress Shortage, The V/8 (V/8) My Heart's in the Highlands* see The Curse of Frankenstein Mysterious Punch-up-the-Conker, The 7/19 (41) 17 Mystery of the Cow on the Hill, The 3/18 Mystery of the Fake Neddie Seagoons, The 7/9 (35) 14 Mystery of the Marie Celeste (Solved), The 5/8 (6) 29 Mystery of the Monkey's Paw, The 5/17 Nadger Plague, The 7/3 (100) Napoleon's Piano 6/4 (14) 3 Nasty Affair at the Burami Oasis, The 7/1 70 Navy, Army and Air Force, The 3/9 Ned's Atomic Dustbin 9/10 (73) Ned the Miser+ see The 1,000,000 Pound Penny Nineteen-Eighty-Five 5/15 Nineteen-Eighty-Five 5/20 Operation Bagpipes 4/9 Operation Christmas Duff 24-12-56 Pam's Paper Insurance Policy, The 9/4 (69) Personal Narrative 7/8 (34) 40 Personal Narrative of Captain Neddie Seagoon R.N, The see Personal Narrative Pevensey Bay Disaster, The 6/10 (18) 34 Phantom Head Shaver (of Brighton), The 5/4 (3) 59 Plasticine Man, The 8/13 (58) 76 Policy, The 8/9 (54) 22 Port of London Authority's Valuable Hand Carved Oil Painted Valuable Floating Pier, The* see The Sinking of Westminster Pier Quatermass O.B.E. * see The Scarlet Capsule Queen Anne's Rain 9/8 (72) 24 Raid of the International Christmas Pudding, The 6/17 Reason Why, The 22-8-57 Red Fort, The 8/7 Rent Collectors, The 7/16 73 Robin Hood 26-12-52 Robin Hood rec. 2-12-56 (48) 84 Robin's Post 10/4 (83) 56 Rommel's Treasure 6/6 (15) 6 Round the World in Eighty Days 7/20 (43) 18 Saga of HMS Aldgate, The 3/4 Saga of the Internal Mountain, The 4/27 Sahara Desert Statue, The 9/1 80 Sale of Manhattan, The 6/11 (19) 35 Scarlet Capsule, The 9/14 (76) Scradje 6/26 (29) 5 Seagoon MCC* ** see The Man Who Won the War Seagoon Memoirs, The 9/7 (71) 55 Search for Rommel's Treasure, The* see Rommel's Treasure Search for the Bearded Vulture, The 3/16 Seaside Resorts in Winter 3/13 Secret Escritoire, The 6/2 (98) Shangri-La Again 6/8 (16) 7 Shifting Sands 7/17 (39) 42 Siege of Fort Knight, The 4/30 Siege of Fort Night, The V/13 (V/13) Siege of Khartoum, The+ see The History of Communications Silent Bugler, The 4/25 Silent Bugler, The V/10 (V/10) 79 Silver Dubloons, The 10/5 (84) 83 Sinking of Westminster Pier, The 5/21 (12) 32 Six Charlies in Search of an Author 7/13 (37) Six Ingots of Leadenhall Street, The 5/23 (95) Sleeping Prince, The 7/6 (42) 64 Space Age, The 8/6 (51) 45 Spanish Armada, The 4/11 Spanish Suitcase, The 5/11 (92) Spectre of Tintagel, The 7/5 (33) 39 Spon 8/1 Spon Plague, The 8/23 (66) 53 Spy, The see Who Is Pink Oboe? Starlings, The 31-8-54 Stolen Postman, The 8/11 (56) 47 Story of a Crime Type Murder, The* see The l,000,000 Pound Penny Story of Civilisation, The 3/15 Story of Lord Seagoon, Playboy of the Western Approaches, The* see Robin's Post Story of the Plymouth Hoe Armada, The 3/25 Strange Case of Diplomatic Immunity, A* see The Case of the Missing CD Plates String Robberies, The 8/16 (60) 78 Survey of Britain, A 3/11 Tale of India, A* see The Red Fort Tale of Men's Shirts, The 10/2 (81) Tales of Montmartre 6/18 (22) 36 Tales of Old Dartmoor 6/21 (25) Tay Bridge, The 9/15 (77) Telephone, The 7/11 (103) Ten Snowballs that Shook the World 8/20 (63) 50 Ten Thousand Fathoms Down in a Wardrobe 4/14 Terrible Blasting of Moreton's Bank, The (see note 8 to 5th series) Terrible Revenge of Fred Fu-Manchu, The 6/12 Terror of Bexhill-on-Sea. The* see The Dreaded Batter - Pudding Hurler (of Bexhill-on-Sea) Thing on the Mountain, The 8/15 (106) Through the Sound Barrier in an Airing Cupboard 4/6 Tiddleywinks 8/24 Toothpaste Expedition, The 4/20 Tragedy of Oxley Towers, The 3/14 Treasure in the Lake, The 6/24 (27) 58 Treasure in the Tower, The 8/5 (52) 46 Treasure of Loch Lomond, The* see The Treasure in the Lake Under Two Floorboards -- A Story of the Legion 5/18 (10) 61 Vanishing Room, The V/6 (V/6) 10 Western Story 4/26 What's My Line? 7/10 (102) Where Do Socks Come From? 3/19 Where does Santa Claus go in the Summer? 3/8 Whistling Spy Enigma, The 5/1 (1) White Box of Great Bardfield, The 5/25 60 White Neddie Trade, The 8/19 Who Is Pink Oboe? 9/11 Wings Over Dagenham 7/15 (38) 41 World War One 8/22 (65) 52 Yehti 5/24 (96) ---------------------------------------------------------------------- CAST LIST So many characters appeared in the Goon Shows that it is impossible to list them all; all the major characters are included and many of the minor ones, but not those who appeared in one show only. A few minor characters were played by different people from time to time -- they are listed under the artist who usually plays them. HARRY SECOMBE plays Neddie Seagoon Old Uncle Oscar Fred Bogg (cockney idiot) Mr. Nugent Dirt Big Chief Worri Guts PETER SELLERS plays Mr. Henry Crun Cynthia/'Breathy Kensington Dear' Hercules Grytpype-Thynne Hern (American Announcer) Major Dennis Bloodnok Babu Banerjee Bluebottle 'Dear Duchess' Willium ('Mate') Hairy Scot Lew/'Cash'/Judge Schnorrer 'Swede' (rustic voice) Gravely Headstone 'Geraldo' Flowerdew ('camp' voice) 'Cyril' ('I seen 'im') Dr. Justin Eidelburger 'Dimbleby' Reuben Croucher 'Churchill' William J. MacGoonigal (sometimes) and the piano (very badly) SPIKE MlLLlGAN plays Eccles 'Wolfit' (tragic actor) Miss Minnie Bannister Fred Fu-Manchu (and other Chinese Count Jim Moriarty gentlemen) Abdul/Singhiz Thingz Throat/Miss Throat Mr. Lalkaka Yakamoto Bowser (upper-class twit) Jim Spriggs Basil Adolphus Spriggs (wandering singer) (upper-upper-class twit) William J. MacGoonigal (other times) Little Jim Odium RAY ELLINGTON plays Big Chief Ellinga The Red Bladder Gladys 14. BBC Censorship ------------------ You might be interested in this.. [If you read this line, then I have forgotten to include the file, and you are now probably sick of the joke.] This was taken from Barry Took's book ``Laughter In The Air'', a definitive guide to British Radio comedy from its earliest days until the early 70s when the book was written. Most of the book covers the years after the Second World War through to the late 60s. [From Jeremy Rogers (jeremy.rogers@aea.orgn.uk)] Re: Barry Took, he certainly was involved in the early days of Python - he had been headhunted by the BBC in 1968 to inject some life into their comedy department, which was threadbare. He attacted from ITV the casts of At Last The 1948 Show and Do not Adjust your Set, mixed tham around, and got both Python and The Goodies. (Also gave Barry Humphries his first UK show, and commissioned Up Pompeii). These days he mainly writes, but chairs a semi-regular topical quiz/satire show for BBC Radio. Private and Confidential BBC Variety Programmes Policy Guide For Writers and Producers Preface This booklet is for the guidance of producers and writers of light entertainment programmes. It seeks to set out the BBC's general policy towards this type of material, to list the principal 'taboos', to indicate traps for the unwary or inexperienced, and to summarise the main guidance so far issued of more than a short-term application. It is however no more than a guide, inevitably incomplete and subject of course to supplementation. It cannot replace the need of each producer to exercise continued vigliance in matters of taste. General The BBC's attitude towards its entertainment programs is largely governed by the fact that broadcasting is a part of the domestic life of the nation. It caters in their own homs for people of all ages, classes, trades and occupations, political opinions and religious beliefs. In that respect it has no parallel among other media of entertainment and the argument, frequently advanced, that the BBC should be ready to broadcast material passed for public performance on the stage or screen is not valid. The Corporation must have its own standards moulded in the light of its own circumstances. The influence that it can exert upon its listeners is immense and the responsibility for a high standard of taste correspondingly heavy. Its aim is for its programmes to entertain without giving reasonable offence to any part of its diversified audience. It must therefore keep its programmes free from vulgarity, political bias, and matter in questionable taste. The claims of sectional interests to special consideration need constantly to be weighed but at the same time the BBC must not be at the mercy of the cranks. On more or less controversial issues the Corporation confines itself to what it regards as fair comment in the context. On matters of taste it has to set itself a standard that will be accepted by most rational people. These are the principal factors influencing BBC policy. The responsibility for enforcing it, since in normal times there are no official censors, is very largely vested in producers themselves and it is therefore of paramount importance that they should be aware both of the Coroporation's general attitude towards the subject and of the detailed rules which have been drawn up during some 25 years' practical experience. Producers are not asked to be narrow-minded in their approach to the problem but they are required to recognise its importance and to err, it at all, on the side of caution. Material about which a producer has doubts should, if it cannot be submitted to someone in higher authority, be deleted, and an artist's assurance that it has been previously broadcast is no justification for repeating it. 'When in doubt, take it out' is the wisest maxim. Vulgarity Programmes must at all cost be kept free of crudities, coarseness and innuendo. Humor must be clean and untainted directly or by association with vulgarity and suggestiveness. Music hall, stage, and to a lesser degree, screen standards, are not suitable to broadcasting. Producers, artists and writers must recognise this fact and the strictest watch must be kept. There can be no compromise with doubtful material. It must be cut. A. General. Well known vulgar jokes (e.g. the Brass Monkey) 'cleaned up', are not normally admissible since the humour in such cases is almost invariably evident only if the vulgar version is known. There is an absolute ban upon the following:- Jokes about - Lavatories Effeminacy in men Immorality of any kind Suggestive references to - Honeymoon couples Chambermaids Fig leaves Prostitution Ladies' underwear, e.g. winter draws on Animal habits, e.g. rabbits Lodgers Commercial travellers Extereme care should be taken in dealing with references to or jokes about - Pre-natal influences (e.g. 'His mother was frightened by a donkey') Marital infidelity Good taste and decency are the obvious governing considerations. The vulgar use of such words as 'basket' must also be avoided. B. Sophisticated Revue and Cabaret. A great deal of the material performed elsewhere in these types of entertainment is just not suitable to be broadcast. There can perhaps be a little more lattiude in the editing of 'sophisticated' programmes which are billed and generally identified as such but not sufficently for them to reflect all the accepted characteristics of this kind of show. The fact is that radio revue and carbaret must be tailored to the microphone in much the same way as other programmes and deny itself may items technically suitable which do not conform to established BBC standards. Advertising Advertising of any sort is not normally allowed and gratuitious publicity for any commercial undertaking or product may not be given. Occasionally, however, such references may be unavoidable where, for instance, a commercial firm is sponsoring a public event, e.g. the Star Dancing Championships, the Melody Maker Dance Band Contest. In such cases mention of the sponsoring body must not go beyond the proper courtesy and essential programme interest. Otherwise mention of all firms, trade and proprietary names is barred. N.B. The following trade names are now regarded as generic terms:- Asprin Bakerlite Cellophane Gramophone Luminal Nylon Photostat Pionola Spam Tabloid Thermos Vaseline Zip The inclusion of any of these is therefore permitted in scripts but derogatory references to them must be avoided as constituting a form of 'trade slander'. American material and 'Americanisms' Various fairly obvious factors, such as American films and the fact that much modern popular music originates in America, tend to exert a transatlantic influence upon our programmes. American idiom and slang, for instance, frequently find their way quite inappropriately into scripts, and dance band singers for the most part elect to adopt psuedo American accents. The BBC believes that this spurious Americanisation of programmes - whether in the writing or in the interpretation - is unwelcome to the great majority of listeners and incidently, seldom complimentary to the Americans. There is and always will be a place in programmes for authentic American artistes and material but the BBC's primary job in light entertainment must be to purvey programmes in our own native idiom, dialects and accents. The 'Americanisation' of British scripts, acts and performances is therefore most actively discouraged. Libel and slander Actionable references in Variety Programmes have been few since broadcasting began. Producers must, however, take all possible steps to ensure that defamtory material is not included in scripts. The three most likely forms for it to take are: (a) an uncomplimentary gag by one artist about a fellow artist or other person. (b) impersonations which may be taken as derogatory. (c) the use in a fictional setting of a character identifiable with a living person (particularly, of course, if the character is 'bad'). Consideration of taste are usually a safeguard against (a) and (b), though the possibility of defamation makes caution on the producer's part more than ever necessary. Against (c) there can be no complete safeguard, but producers and writers must be scrupulously careful to see that characters in plays and sketches are not given names of living people whose circumstances are remotely similar to those in the ficitional plot. In the case of title people reference books must be consulted. In other cases all reasonable checks that are possible must be made. Biblcal references This is by no means easy, so many biblical phrases having long since passed into the language and being therefore for the most part admissible in any context. The criterion should, generally speaking, be whether a phrase or saying is still largely identifed with the Bible. In that case it should not be used in a comedy setting - though it may still be quite suitable for a programme of a more serious character. Sayings of Christ or descriptive of Him are, of course, inadmissible for light entertainment programmes. Jokes built around Bible stories, e.g. Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel, David and Goliath, must also be avoided or any sort of parody of them. References to a few biblical characters e.g. Noah, are sometimes permissible but, since there is seldom anything to be gained by them and since they can engender much resentment they are best avoided altogether. Religious references Reference to and jokes about different religious or religious denominations are banned. The following are also inadmissible:- Jokes about A.D. or B.C. (e.g. 'before Crosby) Jokes or comic songs about spirtualism, christenings, religious ceremonies of any description (e.g. weddings, funerals) Parodies of Christmas carols Offensive references to Jews (or any other religious sects) Political references No precise general directive can be given since each individual case needs to be considered on its merits and the performer, the manner of delivery, and the context all need to be taken into account. General guidance is however given in the following quotation from a directive issued on 2nd July, 1948: 'We are not prepared in deference to protests from one Party or another to deny ourselves legitimate topical references to political figures and affairs, which traditionally have been a source of comedians' material. We therefore reserve the right for Variety programmes in moderation to take a crack at the Government of the day and the Opposition so long as they do so sensibly, without undue acidity, and above all funnily. 'Generally speaking, political issues should not be made the running theme of any light entertainment programme or item, and references should be no more than incidential. Occasionally, of course, a sketch or comedy sequence based on, e.g. the National Health Service, is permissible. 'We must guard against the over-exploitation of songs with a political theme. Usually these are MS numbers sung by comedians and are legitmate enough for one or two performances when strictly topical, but undesirable if "plugged" in many programmes. 'We must bar altogether: (a) anything which we adjudge to go beyond fair comment in this sort of context on a matter of general topical interest; (b) anything that can be construed as personal abuse of Ministers, Party Leaders, or M.P's, malicious references to them or references in bad taste; (c) anything which can reasonably be construed as derogatory to policital insitutions, Acts of Parliament and the Constitution generally; (d) anything with a Party bias. 'To sum up, our approach to the whole subject should be good humoured, un-partisan, and in good taste.' Members of Parliament may not be included in programmes without special permission. This permission will not be granted, whether or not the M.P. concerned is willing, for programmes the BBC considers it unsuitable or undignified for a Member of Parliament to appear. Physical or mental infirmities Very great distress can be caused to invalids and their relatives by thoughtless jokes about any kind of physical disability. The temptation to introduce them is the greater because in the milder afflictions they often represent an easy source of comedy, but, as a matter of taste, it must be resisted. The following are therefore barred: Jocular references to all forms of physical infirmity or disease, e.g. blindness, deafness, loss of limbs, paralysis, cancer, consumption, smallpox. Jokes about war injuries of any description. Jokes about the more embarrassing disabilities, e.g., bow-legs, cross- eyes, stammering (this is the most common 'gag' subject of this kind). Jokes about any form of mental deficiency. Drink References to and jokes about drink are allowed in strict moderation so long as they can really be justified on entertainment grounds. Long 'drunk' stories or scenes should, however, be avoided and the number of references in any one programme carefully watched. There is no objection to the use of well-known drinking songs, e.g. 'Another Little Drink', 'Little Brown Jug', in their proper contexts. Trade slogans, e.g. 'Beer is Best', are barred. Remarks such as 'one for the road' are also inadmissible on road safety grounds. Expletives Generally speaking the use of expletives and forceful langugage on the air can only be justified in a serious dramatic setting where the action of the play demands them. They have no place at all in light entertainment and all such words as God, Good God, My God, Blast, Hell, Damn, Bloody, Gorblimey, Ruddy, etc., etc., should be deleted from scripts and innocuous expressions substituted. Impersonations All impersonations need the permission of the people being impersonated and producers must reassure themselves that this has been given before allowing any to be broadcast. Arists' repertories of impersonations are usually restricted to:- (a) leading public figures and political figures; (b) fellow artists. As to (a) the Corporation's policy is against broadcasting impersonations of elder statesmen, e.g. Winston Churchill, and leading policital figures. Any others in this catagory should invariably be referred. As to (b) there is no objection, but certain artists have notified the Corporation that no unauthorised impersonations may be broadcast. The present list is given below but should be checked from time to time with the Variety Booking Manager. A double check by producers as to permission is advisable in these cases:- Gracie Fields Ethel Revnell (with or without Gracie West) Renee Houston Nat Mills and Bobbie Vera Lynn Jeanne de Casalis (Mrs. Feather) Harry Hemsley Very occasionaly the question arises of the impersonation of people now dead. There is, of course, no possible objection to the portrayal or caricature of historic figures of the remote past, but the impersonation of people who have died within living memory or whose relations may still be alive, should normally be avoided altogther. In any event only exceptional cases will be considered and the permission of surviving relations, if any, must always be obtained. Mention of charitable organisations Appeals for charity are normally confined to 'The Week's Good Cause'. No such appeals are allowed, save in the most exceptional circumstances, elsewhere in programmes. Veiled appeals in the form of incidential references to charitable organisations are also barred. Special permission must therefore invariably be sought for the mention of a charity, whatever the context, in entertainment programmes. 'British' and 'English' The misuse of the word English where British is correct causes much needless offence to Scottish, Ulster and Welsh listeners. It is a common error but one which is easily avoided by proper care on the part of the writers and producers. At the same time we should not hesitate to use the word 'English' if it is the proper description. Popular Music Virtually all newly published dance numbers are approved for broadcasting by the Dance Music Policy Committee before publication, and it is unnecessary to detail here policy considerations affecting the acceptance of such material. Two matters, are, however, worth noting: (a) British Music It is the Corporation's policy actively to encourage British music so long as this does not lead to a lowering of accepted musical standards. (b) Jazzing the Classics The jazzing by dance bands of classical tunes or the borrowing and adaption of them is normally unacceptable. Any instances of this in MS matertial submitted for programmes must be referred by producers to a higher authority. Miscellaneous points Avoid derogatory references to:- Professions, trades, and 'classes', e.g. solicitors, commerical travellers, miners, 'the working class' Coloured races Avoid any jokes or references that might be taken to encourage:- Strikes or industrial disputes The Black Market Spivs and drones Avoid any references to 'The MacGillicuddy of the Reeks' or jokes about his name. Do not refer to Negroes as 'Niggers' ('Nigger Minstrels' is allowed). 'Warming up' sequences with studio audiences before broadcasts should be conform to the same standards as the programmes themselves. Sample recordings should be the subject to the same vigilance as transmissions. Special considerations for overseas broadcasts Humour in other countries, as in our own, is limited by social, political and religious taboos, and some sources of comedy legitimate enough for this country are not acceptable abroad. The majority of overseas audiences are not Christian by religion nor white in colour. Disrespectful, let alone derogatory, references to Buddhists, Hindus, Moslems, and so on, and any references to colour may therefore cause deep offence and should be avoided altogether. It is impossible to list in detail all potentially dangerous subjects but a few random exmaples are given here: Chinese abhor the description 'Chinamen', which should not be used. Chinese laundry jokes may be offensive. Jokes like 'enough to make a Maltese Cross' are of doubtful value. The term Boer War should not be used - South African War is correct. Jokes about 'harems' are offensive in some parts of the world. 15. Credits ----------- In no particular order, an incomplete list of people who (unbeknown to them) contributed material: Bill Taylor (wft@math.canterbury.ac.nz) Paul Martin (pm@nowster.demon.co.uk) David Josephson Hugh Garsden (hughg@parlo.ee.su.oz.au) Marc Wiener (marc@aip.org) Derek Wills (oo7@astro.as.utexas.edu) Tony Quinn (tonyquin@sixpints.demon.co.uk) Ted Richards (ted@isgtec.com) Fred Weil (fredw@fred1.demon.co.uk) Duncan Gibson (dgibson@titan.trl.OZ.AU) Nigel Kernick (n0kernic@cs.adelaide.edu.au) Pete hardie (ve5va.qrp@usask.ca) Mark Williams (mw10004@cus.cam.ac.uk) Lance Corporal Bluebottle, aka Aaron Mandel (amandel@husc.harvard.edu) Jeremy Rogers (jeremy.rogers@aea.orgn.uk) Tom Collins (tommyc@patchbay.com) James Dickie (jamie@spd.eee.strathclyde.ac.uk) Alec (jac55@cas.org) Tim Poston (tim@iss.nus.sg) Steve Caskey (caskey_s@kosmos.wcc.govt.nz) Nigel Strudwick (ncs3@cus.cam.ac.uk) Roger Ratcliff (roger@eccles.psych.nwu.edu) Matthew Fisher (mcf1000@bootes.cus.cam.ac.uk) Andy Finney (andy@atsf.demon.co.uk) Ursula 'Fnordibo' Stafford (stafford_u@kosmos.wcc.govt.nz) and of course: Spike, Peter, Harry, Eccles, Bluebottle and Neddie, ... 16. Eternal debate ------------------ Every news group needs at least one. We are no exception. The questions is of course: ``What is the best Goon Show of them all?'' My answer is, by a narrow margin: Dishonoured Again Good night, Charlies everywhere