18th July, 1994
Huge sodden lumps of something, as yet unidentified, fell all around Rachael and her little friends. They were startled and fell asleep. In the nearby sonnet, Clara awoke to find her own little toe had fallen off while she was napping. Angrily, she smashed it with a brick and ate it on toast. That was the last in a sequence. No-one saw the beginning of it, though, so they were doomed to repeat themselves, repeatedly, over and over again, continuously, in a duplicatory fashion, again and repetively again, over, and over a certain age which was convenient for Stephanie, who was often not allowed in certain fishmongers due to her severe case of constipation. After the great splurt disaster of '93, she was banned from all public bars and shopping centres.
It took months for the stains to be passed on from mother to daughter and father to son, like the greatest of oral traditions soon to be forgotten. A great buildup of pressure was occurring, but Patrick's head soon popped off and rolled over to Anja, who ran most of the field before Dennis stopped the try and scored himself. The umpire called foul, and the white water trickled down his chin. The surprise he felt as a large iguana bit him on the finger was as nothing to sneeze at as much, usually.
Huge nostrils were the order of the day, so Rachael got one for each of her friends as a birthday present for herself in case of rapidly dripping liquid that can flood buildings when handkerchiefs are not enough protection. The lifeboats offer extra security, with their child-proof granny devices, designed to sink in seconds at the first sign of incontinence on the part of the passengers. If only the Titanic had these, it would have smelt much worse.
Pegs were handed out as the passengers boarded, and were effectively used to fill the space outside the doctor's quarters. He was attacked for being a member of the `Love Boat' crew, and having sideburns down to his knees. The flared ankles were his pride and joy, and he wafted them proudly in front of Rachael, who grabbed her mother's pinking shears and reduced them to small velour cushions that she gave to her friends to sit on while waiting for ignimonious death.
Later, when the corpses had been disposed of in the bed of jonquils, the gardener relaxed, sipping elderberry wine with iced bananas. His day had been a real killer, what with the sudden death of his long-time friend and iguana-trainer Alfred, who unfortunately wasn't in this story so we can't really pick on him at this point in time.
Thirty-six hairy crippled women attacked, waving Tetley's tea bags and umbrellas, causing Melinda to call for reinforcements from Metabelis 3. The cheese inspector was regretting the 3 dozen pieces of Roquerfort he ate at last night's over-80's geriatric party. His intestines bubbled with intent, and he wished he'd had that operation to sew his mouth shut. Rachael obligingly obliged, supplying the needle and thread from her mother's sewing box and deftly sewed her nostrils together. The smell of fermenting elderberry juicw would never bother again, nor would her existence.
It was at this time that a royal visit occurred. The town was spruced up, the cats cleaned, and the cesspits freshly filled, courtesy of last week's wild party. As it quietly bubbled, the cesspit couldn't help remembering happier times long ago. None of this processed food crap could make up for the massive natural disasters that tore across the planet, rendering the most capable man even more capable.
Super Grover was quickly on the case, picking the locks and raising suspicions amongst the tribe of German tourists pouring through the customs gate, coming to attend the famous `squirt-the-granny' party happening the following week. Thousands of biddies from all over had been gorging themselves for weeks in the hope that they'd be noticed. Rachael's closest friend, Vanessa, had a grandmother and knew all about it. The famed `Gorging of '54' was remembered by all in that area; even the fact that it didn't even occur was of no consequence.
A ritual purging of people's bowels helped to expunge the day's takings. A passing her of meta-jonquils reflected on how the place had really gone to the dogs since big Ethel left her mark all over the place by disgorging herself rapidly and filling up everyone's pulsating meta-jonquls with chunks.