Blithely But Eating Slimey

Blithely But Eating Slimey

Anthony, Callum, David, Warren

30th August, 1989

Synthia was on a diet consisting of female hormones and steroids. This caused various bodily parts to enlarge rapidly and then shrink even more rapidly before the inevitable explosion.

Meanwhile, in a distant greasy pizza joint, the anchovies swam rapidly towards The Three Musketeers paint & glue delicatessan, where the flailing thermal armpit grew in the breeze. The hairs were ever lengthening, causing her to struggle and trip into the vat of molten plastic left by a famous American TV star. Being coated in chocolate sprinkled with nutmeg and coconut did nothing to help the previous lethargic but idolent spray of flowers in the attic. Mary's picnic was interrupted by a flood of bodily fluid which was gushing from Synthia's ruptured toenail. She quickly blocked the torrent with one of Anja's kneebraces. Unfortunately, the kneebrace exploded. Meanwhile a certain TV star was prosecuted for break, enter and steal of three kneebraces.

As the material evidence had exploded, Dennis was solemnly eating worms covered in chocolate hair. Soon the transformation was complete and Synthia scrambled to her feet, her cape swirling about her body. Taking three short steps, she threw herself at the fourth short step, missed, and fluttered gently down on the breeze.

``I must get to Baldric before the tide goes out''. Gripping a kneebrace between his clenched jaws, Tarzan descended from the trees as did his trousers. Screaming in disgust, Prunella seized a large knife and chopped Patrick's body into small 1 centimetre cubes. In the hamlet under 60 foot of volcanic ash, all was quiet. The colony of Norwegian Bolt Ants was able to go about its business, unseen by the prying eyes of entymologists and dogs with no visual capacity.

Slowly the shifting sands of the searing Sahara crept into the folds of skin that were remaining. She flexed her bicep and inquired of Synthia, ``Have you been spiking my orange juice with Robert's steroids again''? Her bicep exploded and wrapped itself around a passing tardis. The telephone handset went for a night out with its girlfriend, a 2400 baud modem. Shaking their hands, they suddenly lost contact because his carrier dropped to an all time low. He slipped, letting the barbell fall from his nostrils. Bouncing off his rotund stomach, it struck Prunella between the second and third joints of her leftmost tendril. Prunella then emigrated to the bottom of the fridge, the only known place with the necessary medical facilities to alter life-giving food into the pseudo-nutritional slop that many colleges were exporting to Japan. Robert was slightly confused at the trail of hair which led out the door and decided to ignore it completely.

Outside, a hairless Ozalp was worried about the expense of continuing chemotherapy. The only alternative was to obtain sufficient elderberry juice to stave off thirst. A passing flotilla of sheep began agrarian flatulation and endochronic choir singing. Synthia was now only 120kg and was pleased with the 140kg weight gain over the last 3 weeks. Singing loudly, she wallowed luxuriously in the crocodile pool. Fred the crocodile was astonished to be sat on by a hippopotamus, and soon began to enjoy it.

In a nearby skyscraper, a toddler glued to a bowling ball was thrown out a window and, wide eyes staring in amazement, was saved by an enormous layer of hair strung between two strands of goose flesh. When the bushfire had passed, only small folds of skin remained. She saved some potato chip crumbs there for later, when the car wouldn't start and she had to walk across the desert with snow sleds and small portions of chocolate strapped to her large, arthritis-ridden hands. She licked it off and immediately swelled up to the size of a small navel orange. In this bloated state, she fell from her perch in the cave. Flapping her slimey wings, she slammed heavily into the wall. Prunella, seeing orange peel on the floor, died laughing as the English Cricket Team died. As the slime descended upon them all, they knew there'd be no more dieting.